Sex and Sigmatism*

The Meenister’s Log

A conference in St Augustine High School near Port of Spain, organised by the Presbyterian Church of Trinidad and Grenada – reluctantly agreeing to attend, assuming that I’d be part of the audience.

I had some difficulty in making out what the chairman was saying – because of his strong Trini accent and the fact that he had a slight speech impediment.

He seemed to be waffling on about religious cults – and, I have to admit that I wasn’t paying too much attention…. until I heard “And we now invite the Reverend Stritchen (sic)   – may I break off here, and recall that the door plate which I inherited from my Strachan grandfather: “A Strachan” was misread by a postman many moons ago who addressed my Grandad as “Mr Astrakhan”

Anyhow, Reverend Stritchen or whoever was invited to take the stage to talk about what I had understood was SEX in Scotland (it was, of course, SECTS) and proceeded to ramble on about personal relations but (mercifully) not in any lurid detail – to the entire puzzlement of the audience of sixth- form girls.

When I got home, Helen asked me what I’d talked about and said: “Oh no, not the one about “sex” being what they carry coal in Morningside?”

No they wouldn’t have got that.

“No”, says she, “you didn’t  tell the old story of the Minister giving a talk about sex to a girls’ school – when he got home,  he couldn’t tell his wife that he had spoken on  sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the girls

 “A few days later, she ran into some of the teachers on the  shopping centre and they complemented her on the speech  her husband had made.

 “She said: “Yes I heard. I was surprised about the subject  matter, as he has only tried it twice. The first time he  got so sore he could hardly walk and the second time he fell off.”

Unfortunately, I had told that story …. and neither did they get that one!

* an old word for “lisp”

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