Some years ago, a congregation’s minister retired and moved from the area.
The good folks of this kirk had to rely on various clergymen to take their Sunday Services.
One Saturday evening, a small deputation arrived at the railway station to welcome their guest preacher whom they’d never met before.
The train duly arrived and the passengers got off, walking along the platform to the exit barrier.
The folks from the church looked and better looked for a man with a clerical grey suit and dog-collar but in vain.
By this time, virtually everybody had disembarked….. ah, but then a gaunt looking man, wearing a tie but a dark suit walking somewhat slowly along the platform from the train. And he had one of those slightly pained and serious looks on his face.
He reached the barrier, and the Session Clerk approached him.
“Are you a minister?”
“No” came the reply, “I’m suffering from haemorrhoids, and that f’ing long train journey hasn’t helped”
Another train story:
Sitting opposite two guys in a railway compartment was a very studious looking gentleman.
One of the guys whispered to the other “I’m sure that’s the Moderator of the Kirk”
“Certainly looks like him – go on, ask him”
“Excuse me, are you the Moderator?”
The reply: “F off!!!”
So one of the two guys says to his pal “I guess we’ll never know now”