Policeman: Do you know where you are? You’re in a police station.
Father Dougal: Oh right. Well, in that case, I’ll just have the Satay Chicken
Father Dougal: (to Bishop O’Neill) So, if God has existed forever…you know, what did he do in his spare time, like, before he made the Earth and everything?
Dougal: Wait a minute… you’re Elvis as well!
Dougal: Sorry Ted. I’m not very good at making decisions… or am I?
Dougal: I’ve never met a celebrity before.
Ted : You met the Pope
Dougal: Did I?
Ted : Yes, do you not remember that time we were in Rome?
Dougal: That was the Pope? That old fella living in the art gallery?
Ted: The Vatican, Dougal! The Vatican!
Dougal : Still, he’s not a celebrity in the true sense of the word.
Ted: He’s God’s representative on Earth, Dougal!
Dougal: You’d think he’d be taller.
Ted: You mean like a giant?
(As Dougal and Ted attempt to sleep.)
Father Dougal: Knock, knock!
Father Ted: Who’s there?
Father Dougal: Father Dougal McGuire.
Father Ted: Good night Dougal!