The Reverend I M thick

Desperate from thirst and dehydration, a visiting minister was ushered into the vestry twenty minutes or so before the service was due to begin.

He noticed, on the desk, a very large glass of water which he greedily and thankfully gulped down.

It was only after he had slaked his thirst that he noticed the dead flowers lying in the waste paper bin.


Nervous minister in strange church being listened to by a vacancy (or search) committe, went up to the pulpit only to find that there was no way in; he’d gone to the wrong side and looked totally puzzled and consequently distraught. Glad to say he eventually found it with some help and preached a blinder of a sermon. He got the job.


A retired minister colleague who used to conduct a shedload of marriage ceremonies in and around Gretna Green was once nearing the end of one particular wedding service, when his mobile phone rang.  Instead of ignoring it, he answered.  It was from another venue nearby, asking where he was.

He answered (and remember that this is during a religious ceremony):  “Won’t be long – once I’ve finished with this lot”

“This lot” rightly complained and he was banned for a while.

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