A Seasonal Joke

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of breaking wind loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop doing it.

He told her he couldn’t and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor, being  concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and there was no change.

Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey  and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his pyjamas and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into them.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got her revenge.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained pjs with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, “Darling, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.”

“What do you mean?” asked his wife.

“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up blowing my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.

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Filed under The Ramblings of a Reformed Ecclesiastic

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