Monthly Archives: July 2017

All shall be well……

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July 30, 2017 · 07:39

We wish you a Merry……….

Office Christmas Party

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November 2006
RE: Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols…please feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.Merry Christmas to you and your Family. Pauline—————————————————————–

 

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November 2006
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we’re calling it our ‘Holiday Party’. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family,Pauline.—————————————————————–

 

FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2006
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table…you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. Pauline.——————

 

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2006
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything up for you to take home in alittle foil doggy bag. Will that work?Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men’s table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress – no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food: we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!Pauline.—————————————————————–

 

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2006
RE: The F******** Holiday Party.

Vegetarian pricks. I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death”, as you so quaintly put it, you’ll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings too, they scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink, drive and die.The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!———————————————

 

FROM: John Bishop – Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November 2006
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

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Dunkirk

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“A bummer of a Summer”

I used this phrase in a private message to a minister friend.  It was in relation to my recent fall, resulting in a dislocated shoulder & an inability to do very much, including being unable to drive my new Jaguar XE-R Sports saloon – hence being unavailable to get to various churches to “fill in” while ministers were on holiday etc.

Then I put things into perspective.

I’ll be OK again in a few weeks time (& driving the “Beast” at 140 mph – hope no polis are reading this!)

And my summer has been good: a Baltic cruise, followed by a wonderful trip to Trinidad (my home from home) for a wedding, accompanied by a delightful “plus one”

What has been truly a “bummer of a summer” (and that’s a phrase that comes nowhere near these) are the death of a 37 year old relative from cancer, a favourite niece going through divorce proceedings, a former work -colleague mourning the death of her daughter in an RTA, the euthanisation of my son’s beloved little dog….and more (including the commemoration of my wife’s death – five years ago, in June 2012)

Add (much moreso) the cruelty within and the poverty existing amongst the poorest in our society, the apparent indifference of those in authority to reach out to the most vulnerable in our country and world……and for them and more, that’s a “bummer of a summer”/ Autumn/ Winter/ Spring.

What a thankless lot so many of us have become!

Remember the old Sunday School song that we used to sing: “Count your blessings”?  Simple, even simplistic – but containing more than a germ of truth.

Do you remember the story behind the writing of that strongly defiant hymn, “Now thank we all our God”?

The author was one Martin Rinkhart who was Archdeacon in Eilenburg in Saxony in the 17th Century.

The plague of 1637 visited Eilenburg with extraordinary severity;  he buried more than 4,000 persons.

There then followed a famine so devastating that thirty or forty persons might be seen fighting in the streets for a dead cat or crow. Rinkhart, with the burgomaster and one other citizen, did what could be done to organize assistance, and gave away everything but the barest rations for his own family, so that his door was surrounded by a crowd of poor starving wretches, who found it their only refuge.

This was followed by a re-invasion by the Swedish army.  They demanded reparations, whichbRinkhat was able to negotiate.

But his own losses were so great that he had the utmost difficulty in finding bread and clothes for his children, and was forced to mortgage his future income for several years.

……..yet here is the man of faith who could write:

“Now thank we all our God……”

And, in that context, what have we to even grouse at?!!

 

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Pancakes!

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July 22, 2017 · 11:13

Another of Charlie Chaplain’s Tales

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As a Parish Minister, part of our remit is to visit Church members who are hospitalised.

Once, in an orthopaedic ward in one of our larger, very busy, not over compassionate staffed, Infirmaries, I came across T…..

He went on and on about how appalling the nurses were.  The junior doctors were clueless most of the time.  He had to wait for ages to get washed in the morning, there being insufficient facilities in this large “Nightingale” ward. The food was poor, and lukewarm by the time it arrived.  And so on.  Moan, moan, moan.

He said that, when he was discharged, he was going to write to the CEO of the NHS Trust to complain, criticise, comment negatively.

I told him that his letter would be passsed down the line, and he’d receive a generic reply that effectively would say nothing.

This was followed up by my saying that “You don’t have a leg to stand on”…………

……. and as I said it, immediately realised that he was in the orthopaedic ward ———————————-having a double amputation.

Do you sometimes wish that the floor would open and swallow you up?

 

 

 

 

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A search committee discusses possible applicants for a vacant Charge

Adam: Good man, but problems with his wife. Also, one reference told of how his wife and he enjoy walking naked in the garden.

Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years, with no converts. Prone to unrealistic building projects.

Moses: A modest and meek man, but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an earlier position over a murder charge.

David: The most promising leader of all, until we discovered the affair he had with his neighbour’s wife.

Solomon: Great preacher, but our manse would never hold all those wives. 

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Exceedingly good Nativity

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