Tag Archives: aisle

Wedding Belles

A colleague mentioned that he recently had a bride-to-be on the phone, who said : “My fiancee and I have been to see your Church from the outside…does it have a centre aisle….you are one of a few whom we are considering for our wedding venue….how much does it cost?…..

Another minister friend once said to a couple “I hope the centre aisle and the photogenic steps are not the only reasons for you getting married in the church.” They never came back!

I once conducted a wedding in a particular hotel.  After the ceremony, the marriage party walked the few yards  down the street to have their photographs taken outside the nearby church

When I was minister at Inveresk Kirk, which has a rather  large sanctuary, at one particular rehearsal (the bride was a parishioner) the lassie looked around in awe and said “It’s awfy big!” That was her first visit!

The layout of the building – whether it has a centre aisle, or the length of said aisle – should not be a criterion for someone to deign ones kirk with their presence. Stage management (best video/camera angles) is trying to manipulate so much these days when it comes to wedding services. I once did tell a video guy who was virtually leaning on my shoulder to **** off – luckily it was during the last hymn, but perhaps the sound was still active!

Regarding the choice of hymns…. “All Things Bright and Beautiful” and “Morning has Broken” are very popular choices, because they are often the only hymns they know (from schooldays); however, a bit of cheeky inventiveness – once after the signing of the schedule, the couple exited to the Beatles “Ticket to Ride”. Deary me!

And, finally …. for the time being… (another colleague was asked):  “can I put baby pink bows on each of those pewy thingies…?”

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Brides

gypsy-wedding2

 

Once or twice got a phone call from a prospective bride who announced “I’m getting married” (to which this cynical auld Meenister would answer “How nice”.) She would then continue, “And we’d like you to perform the ceremony” (“What a kind thought” – no, I didn’t actually say that).

“Let me get my diary”

“It’s the whatever of July at 3 o’clock”

“Sorry, I’m already doing a wedding at that time”

Silence – then panic- “But we’ve already booked the reception!”

“How about getting in touch with one of my colleagues to see if he or she is free?”

“No, I really wanted your church as it’s got a long aisle to walk down!”

–ooOOoo–

from a colleague:  Prospective Bride on phone : “My fiancee and I have been to see your Church from the outside…does it have a centre aisle….you are one of a few whom we are considering for our wedding venue….how much does it cost?…..”

–ooOOoo–

When I was minister at Inveresk Kirk, which some of you who have visited will know is rather large, at one particular rehearsal (the bride was a parishioner) the lassie looked around in awe and said “It’s awfy big!”  That was her first visit! And after the wedding, never came back

–ooOOoo–

Once had a wedding in an hotel – after the ceremony, the marriage party walked the few yards down the street to have their photographs taken outside the nearby church

–ooOOoo–

Phone call: “Could we get married on Christmas Day morning at 11 o’clock?”

“Sorry, there’s a Service on then”

“Well, maybe afterwards – at our house – all the family will be there”

“Would love to, but I’ve got family and relatives coming to the Manse”

“You could always have your Christmas Day lunch with us”

“Sorry, don’t think that’s possible  – look, how about Boxing Day instead?”

“Can’t – that’s when the baby’s due!”

(well, she tried again six months later, but I was away on holiday; then about a year after that and success!  The babby was now old enough to be a flower girl) 

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I’m Sorry – I Haven’t a Clue

A particular request for a baptism some years ago: “Could we have the bairn done?”

(so tempting to answer “rare or medium?”)

“Are you a member of the Church?”

A look of pitying amusement.

“Well I’d like you to become a member, before we go ahead”

(on one occasion – not this one – “but the invitations have been sent out and the hotel booked”)

“I’d like you to become a member of the Church”

“What?  You mean like going to services on a Sunday?  I didn’t know that you had to do that!  I thought you just put water on his heid and that was it”

“No, there’s a bit more to it than that”  then tried to explain what the “bit more” was.

“So you put the water on the bairn’s heid?”

“Yes”

“And that makes him a Catholic”…………

–ooOOoo–

Thinking about the word “Catholic”….

This sometimes causes problems.

After a Baptism, it is usual to say something along the lines of “We have done as Christ commanded and now (child’s name) is received into membership of the One,Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church….. and so on”

So often, when the word “Catholic” is uttered, the father of the child – and it’s usually the Dad, many of whom one feels are somewhat reluctant to be there – will suddenly waken up and look in horrific disbelief at his better half, as if to say “You’ve brought us to the wrong place!”

(some ministers now use the word “Universal” but a late minister (one of my preprocessors used to pronounce it cathOLIC).

–ooOOoo–

“The wrong place” – the Church is often perceived as being “the wrong place” for some people, many of whom now have their wedding services in hotels.

One occasion comes to mind…..

Bride-to-be: ” Would you be willing to conduct a wedding in a local hotel, because, you see, we’re not really religious”

I suppose I should have asked, “Then why do you want a Minister?” but didn’t.

“What kind of ceremony would it be?”

“Much the same as in a church – Scripture Readings, Prayers, hymns, vows taken in the Sight of God”

“Oh, I don’t want hymns, and no prayers, though I don’t mind God being mentioned…”

“Well, that’s good of you. I’m sure He’ll be delighted  …. but, you know, from what you’ve told me, do you you not think it would be better to have your ceremony at the Registrar’s Office?”

the punch line…….. “But the Registry Office doesn’t have an aisle for me to walk down!”

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