Tag Archives: axe

Acts 2: 38

A frail elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of “moving” Church services. She truly felt the presence of the Holy Spirit around her as she entered the front door of her home. Upon entering the house, she was immediately startledby an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, Stop mister! Acts 2:38!”

(Freeze, repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks and stood motionless with his back to her as she calmly called the police and told them she had a burglar willing to “turn himself in” in her house. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.” “Scripture!” replied the burglar. “I swear I heard her say she had an Axe and Two 38’s!”

Leave a comment

Filed under The Ramblings of a Reformed Ecclesiastic

Honesty

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above river, his axe fell into the river.  When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into the river, and he needed it to make his living.  The Lord went down in the water and appeared with a golden axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. “Is this your axe?”the Lord asked.

“No”, the woodcutter replied.

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. “Is this your axe?”the Lord asked.

“Yes”, he replied.

The Lord was so pleased with the man’s honesty that He gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.  Later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared again and asked him, “Why are you crying?”

“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the river!”  The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.

“Is this your wife?” the Lord asked.

“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”

The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, “Oh, forgive me, Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Jennifer Lopez, you would have come up with Angelina Jolie. Then if I also said ‘no’ to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, and I love my wife such that I don’t want her to share me with anyone, so THAT’S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez.”

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.. MOSTLY his lady!

That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it..

Leave a comment

Filed under The Ramblings of a Reformed Ecclesiastic