The first two were posted by my friend (and one of my successors at Greyfriars Church in Trinidad)
The Rev Clifford Rawlins:
- One wedding in Greyfriars saw me giving the nuptial blessing, “God the Father, God the Son…” when the bride’s mentally challenged uncle jumped up and blurted out, “AND GOD THE HOLY GHOST!” And I continued, “God the Holy Ghost…” And the man responded, jumping up and flicking his fingers in the air like a schoolboy, shouting, “See! See what I tell allyuh! Same thing I say! I know he was going to say dat!”
- Another one by a colleague had the groom tell him, “Jes now eh Father, gimme a minute.” And he proceeded to turn around and scream, “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” After which he faced he minister again and calmly asked him to continue with the service.
and these from a website:
- The uncle of the bride sent a request in since he could not attend. He asked someone to read 1 John 4:18: “There is no fear in love; instead perfect love drives out fear.” Unfortunately, the reader quoted John 4:18 at the wedding: “For you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband.”
- The groom’s ex-wife stood in the back of the sanctuary yelling “not” as the pastor read 1 Corinthians 13.
- This outdoor wedding had a stray dog as a guest. He kept bringing a tennis ball to the pastor and putting it at his feet.
- During the wedding service, a guest’s phone loudly declares, “You have reached your destination.”
And two of my own:
- After the Marriage Schedule had been signed, and the legal formalities completed, the bride and groom (both Beatles fans) walked up the aisle to the song “Ticket to Ride”
- Just as another wedding ceremony began, a guest’s phone rang – the ringtone was the theme from “Mission Impossible “
One particular fellow sky pilot often forgets to announce that the Offering will be collected – and someone from the Choir has to whisper in his ear during the last hymn to remind him of this omission. His response is usually to say to the congregation “Oh, silly me – I forgot to ask you for your cash!”
another man of the cloth who was obviously not firing on all cylinders one Sunday morning and after the congregation had sung the first hymn, he pronounced the Blessing or Benediction – thus closing the service. My erstwhile colleague left the punters in the pew somewhat puzzled
A fellow Divinity student friend once took a service during the University vacation, and discovered that the service was going to be rather short – so he had the congregation repeat the Nicene Creed and had them say the Lord’s Prayer a second time toward the end of the service – all to pad it out.
how about the retired minister “filling in”during a vacancy – he announced from the pulpit that some people found his sermons too long. So, on this particular Sunday (and I was there at that church as a worshipper), he announced, “This morning’s sermon will be much shorter, in the Name of the Father and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen”…… and that was it!
One of the kirks where I was minister was used by a neighbouring vacant Charge to assess and then interview one the applicants for the post.
Poor guy got landed with taking the service on Trinity Sunday (which all clergy love – not).
His children’s story was very inventive, using three drinking straws bound together with sellotape. He started by asking the kids what an equilateral triangle is. Silence. He then attempted to explain before the whole thing fell to pieces. Quickly, he reassembled it. Interruption from a surly teen (not part of the Sunday School contingent): “Isn’t that now an Isosceles Triangle?”
Guest minister: “No, it’s not! And my first Degree is in Maths, so I should know!”
He didn’t get the job.