Tag Archives: bishop

Steak

A  Bishop is visiting Dublin for a conference. While there, a fellow clergyman recommends a restaurant to go to en route to the railway station.
He takes the advice, and decides to treat himself to a steak . He goes in, sits down, and waits for his order to be taken.
Finally, a waitress comes over.

“Good day!” he says, “one steak please, rare”.”

She returns to his table some ten minutes later, puts his plate of sirloin down before him, and says, ““ONE BLOODY STEAK, Father”.
The bishop says, ““Young lady,  I am a ‘man of God’ and cursing like that offends me.”

She replies, “Oh no, I wasn’t swearing. That’s what we call an underdone steak here – it’s how the chef cooks it….bloody”

“Right so”, replies the bishop accepting this explanation, “Sorry, I misunderstood”
A  year later, the Bishop is back in town, at a three day conference.

On the last evening he says to a couple of priests who are with him, “Look, lads, we’ve had a grand time here, but the cookin’ hasn’t been wonderful. So am treatin’ you to a slap-up dinner in a wee place I discovered last time I was here in the city. How’s about it?”

So they go to the restaurant, sit down, and when the waitress comes over, the Bishop says, three bloody  steaks, please””
As she goes off to get the order, one of the priests shouts after her, “Aye, and we’ll have  plenty of fecking chips with them!”

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under The Ramblings of a Reformed Ecclesiastic

Catholic mums & sons

image

Leave a comment

April 29, 2016 · 20:13

The Bishop of Limburg’s inner courtyard at his residence

The Bishop of Limburg's inner courtyard at his residence

See post (below) “Swanky Bishop”

2 Comments

October 16, 2013 · 09:16

A Rabbi and a Priest

A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, “So how high can you advance in your organization?”

The Priest says “If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.”

“Well, could you get any higher than that?” asks the Rabbi.

“I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I might be made an Archbishop” said the Priest a bit cautiously.

“Is there any way that you might go higher than that?”

“If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal”

“Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?” probed the Rabbi.

Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said “I suppose that I could be elected Pope, but…”

So the Rabbi says “And could you be anything higher than that? , is there any way to go up from being the Pope?”

“What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!”

The Rabbi leaned back and said “One of our boys made it.”

Leave a comment

Filed under The Ramblings of a Reformed Ecclesiastic

Helicopters for Christ

 

A Texas megachurch pastor, whose ‘Aviation Department’ advised him that upgrading the blades on his helicopter would save his church $50,000, recently caused an uproar for asking his congregation to help finance the upgrade with $52 ‘favor seeds.’

Bishop, I.V. Hilliard, of the New Light Christian Center in Houston Texas, reportedly sent out a controversial newsletter to his “Friends in Jesus” list, telling them that if they sow a $52 transportation seed toward the upgrade they would receive “breakthrough favor” within 52 days or 52 weeks.

“Does your car need repair or total replacement? Do you have a dream vehicle or luxury automobile you long to purchase?” noted Hilliard in the opening paragraph of the letter.

“Our Aviation Department has an opportunity that will save the ministry well over $50K if we will move on it right away. My Aviation Manager stated that while repairing our helicopter they discovered that if we upgrade our blades today, it will save thousands in the days to come,” he explained.

Then while pointing to various biblical scriptures, Hilliard noted: “We have an urgent transportation need that the Lord said can be an opportunity for you to see His favor and His wisdom released to help you.”

“Scripture teaches when you give to a Kingdom need, God will raise up someone to use their power, their ability and their influence to help you,” he added.

 

“As I pondered and looked at the situation, I heard that still small voice of the Holy Spirit say ‘tell your special partners who have special transportation needs’ and their obedience will release favor for their needs and desires. I got excited and set down to write you!” noted Hilliard.

The Bishop’s request however stirred a heated debate online as soon as it was made public.

“You sir, are proof that SUCKERS/SHEEPLE are born every day! Give that charlatan money $$? LOL Why? So he can buy more gold rings, bigger mansion, bigger cars, hire another maid, a Helicopter??? ? All under the guise of Gawd..LOL This atheist is glad he’s an atheist!” wrote John R Costello on the Bishop’s facebook page.

Apparently upset that some people think Hilliard’s request is unreasonable, Pastor Eddie Daniels responded supportively to the controversy on the Bishop’s facebook page.

“Concerning Bishop I.V. Hilliard: Simply put, the church’s helicopter is under their maintenance responsibilities and not the sole responsibility of any one individual. Why does anyone feel coerced to be upset about the financial responsibility to spreading the ministry? Helicopters do not maintain themselves. They are not Transformers, neither Autobots nor Decepticons. Wake up church and get the world out of your affairs,” wrote Daniels.

In response to a Fox News report on the request, the New Light Christian Center, issued a statement apologizing to anyone the request may have offended.

“New Light Church World Outreach and Worship Centers, Inc. regularly make appeals to Special Partners, Members and friends of the church for the support of various programs and services,” New Light stated.

“Occasionally, it is not uncommon for an appeal to be directed toward specific Kingdom projects or specific needs. In this instance, the appeal was directed to our Special Partners and friends who are familiar with the Biblical principles upon which we base our faith. We sincerely regret if anyone was offended by this appeal in that it was not our intent.”

2 Comments

July 2, 2013 · 21:12

Diversity Saves

  • Anglican Ink

Diversity, not Jesus, saves says Presiding Bishop

 
 
ARTICLE | MAY 20, 2013 – 2:52PM | BY GEORGE CONGER

 

The Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church has denounced the Apostle Paul as mean-spirited and bigoted for having released a slave girl from demonic bondage as reported in Acts 16:16-34 .

In her sermon delivered at All Saints Church in Curaçao in the diocese of Venezuela, Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori condemned those who did not share her views as enemies of the Holy Spirit.

The presiding bishop opened her remarks with an observation on the Dutch slave past. “The history of this place tells some tragic stories about the inability of some to see the beauty in other skin colors or the treasure of cultures they didn’t value or understand,” she said.

She continued stating: “Human beings have a long history of discounting and devaluing difference, finding it offensive or even evil.  That kind of blindness is what leads to oppression, slavery, and often, war.  Yet there remains a holier impulse in human life toward freedom, dignity, and the full flourishing of those who have been kept apart or on the margins of human communities.”

Just as the forces of historical inevitability led to the ending of industrial slavery, so too would the march of progress lead to a change in attitude towards homosexuality, she argued.

“We live with the continuing tension between holier impulses that encourage us to see the image of God in all human beings and the reality that some of us choose not to see that glimpse of the divine, and instead use other people as means to an end.  We’re seeing something similar right now in the changing attitudes and laws about same-sex relationships, as many people come to recognize that different is not the same thing as wrong.  For many people, it can be difficult to see God at work in the world around us, particularly if God is doing something unexpected.”

To illustrate her point presiding bishop turned to the book of Acts, noting “There are some remarkable examples of that kind of blindness in the readings we heard this morning, and slavery is wrapped up in a lot of it.  Paul is annoyed at the slave girl who keeps pursuing him, telling the world that he and his companions are slaves of God.  She is quite right.  She’s telling the same truth Paul and others claim for themselves,” Bishop Jefferts Schori said, referencing the first chapter of the Epistle to the Romans.

“But Paul is annoyed, perhaps for being put in his place, and he responds by depriving her of her gift of spiritual awareness.  Paul can’t abide something he won’t see as beautiful or holy, so he tries to destroy it.  It gets him thrown in prison.  That’s pretty much where he’s put himself by his own refusal to recognize that she, too, shares in God’s nature, just as much as he does – maybe more so!,” the presiding bishop said.

The New Testament passage goes on to say that Paul and Silas were imprisoned for freeing the girl of her demonic possession. Presiding Bishop noted “an earthquake opens the doors and sets them free, and now Paul and his friends most definitely discern the presence of God.  The jailer doesn’t – he thinks his end is at hand.”

However, Paul now repents of his mistake in casting out the spirit of divination, she argues.  “This time, Paul remembers who he is and that all his neighbors are reflections of God, and he reaches out to his frightened captor.  This time Paul acts with compassion rather than annoyance, and as a result the company of Jesus’ friends expands to include a whole new household.  It makes me wonder what would have happened to that slave girl if Paul had seen the spirit of God in her.”

In support her argument for radical inclusion and diversity over doctrine Bishop Jefferts Schori adds that the day’s reading “from Revelation pushes us in the same direction, outward and away from our own self-righteousness, inviting us to look harder for God’s gift and presence all around us.  Jesus says he’s looking for everybody, anyone who’s looking for good news, anybody who is thirsty.  There are no obstacles or barriers – just come.  God is at work everywhere, even if we can’t or won’t see it immediately.”

She concluded her sermon by stating that we are not justified by our faith but by our respect for diversity.

“Looking for the reflection of God’s glory all around us means changing our lenses, or letting the scales on our eyes fall away.  That kind of change isn’t easy for anyone, but it’s the only road to the kingdom of God.”

Salvation comes not from being cleansed of our sins by the atoning sacrificial death of Jesus Christ, but through the divinization of humanity through the work of the human will. “We are here, among all the other creatures of God’s creation, to be transformed into the glory intended from the beginning.  The next time we feel the pain of that change, perhaps instead of annoyance or angry resentment we might pray for a new pair of glasses.  When resentment about difference or change builds up within us, it’s really an invitation to look inward for the wound that cries out for a healing dose of glory.  We will find it in the strangeness of our neighbor.  Celebrate that difference – for it’s necessary for the healing of this world – and know that the wholeness we so crave lies in recognizing the glory of God’s creative invitation.  God among us in human form is the most glorious act we know.”

Responses posted on the Episcopal Church’s website to the Presiding Bishop’s sermon have been uniformly harsh, noting her interpretation was at odds with traditional Christian teaching, grammar, and logic. “This is quite possibly some if the most delusional exegesis I’ve ever read in my life,” one critic charged. “I’m sorry, but this sermon is not a Christian sermon.”

The reception by bloggers has been equally unkind. The Rev Timothy Fountain observed the presiding bishop had up ended the plain meaning of the text. “Instead of liberation” in freeing the slave girl from exploitation, presiding bishop finds “confinement.  Instead of Christ’s glory, there’s just squalor.”

The Rev. Bryan Owen argued “What’s happening here is the exploitation of a biblical text in service to a theopolitical agenda.  Given what she says in the first paragraph I’ve quoted from her sermon, the Presiding Bishop suggests that anyone who doesn’t buy into that agenda – anyone who holds to the traditional, orthodox understanding of such matters – is likewise afflicted with the same narrow-minded bigotry as Paul, and thus in need of enlightenment.” 

 

About the Author

George Conger

Editor
 
 

Leave a comment

Filed under The Ramblings of a Reformed Ecclesiastic

Ours

At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. 
One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were 
beginning to fray. She went to the priest and told him, "Father, I believe your 
rugs need to be replaced soon."
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as 'our' not 'your.'
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed. She again went to the priest and told him, "Father, I've noticed that your... I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed."
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn't, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying the church for the visit.

On the day the bishop arrived, the same nun came down the front stairs yelling, "Father! Father! I found your watch!"
The bishop said, "How wonderful my child. Where did you find it?"
After saying hello to the bishop, the nun turned to the priest and said, "I found it under OUR bed."

Leave a comment

Filed under The Ramblings of a Reformed Ecclesiastic

Mozart

A couple of days after Mozart’s death and burial, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard something strange. Terrified, the drunk got the priest to come listen. The priest bent close and heard faint, unrecognizable music. Frightened, he ran to get the bishop. The bishop bent his ear to the grave, listened and said “That seems to be Mozart’s Ninth Symphony backwards.” He listened further and said “There’s the Eighth Symphony, also backwards – most puzzling.” Then; “There’s the Seventh…the Sixth…the Fifth…” Suddenly, a realization dawned on the bishop; he stood and announced to the crowd gathered in the cemetery “My fellow citizens, there’s nothing to worry about.

It’s just Mozart decomposing.”

Leave a comment

Filed under The Ramblings of a Reformed Ecclesiastic

A bit of a naughty one

The Meenister’s Log

The “bible” of rules and regulations for The Church of Scotland is called “Practice and Procedure in the Church of Scotland” edited by Cox – and known simply as “Cox”

At a particular Divinity lecture, the Professor is reputed to have said to the (all male) students in the class, “Now, gentlement, please take out your ‘Cox’ and place it on your desk”

 

 

I once attended a healthcare chaplains conference in England, where the vast majority of those attending were C of E.

At one point, we were divided into the usual small groups to discuss some topic – it may well have been about sexuality – and one chap euphemistically used the term “bashing the bishop” to which this lovely naive young female chaplain said ‘why didn’t he like his Bishop?”  Doh!

Leave a comment

Filed under The Ramblings of a Reformed Ecclesiastic

The Crossword Puzzle

A Bishop, a Church of Scotland Minister and a Rabbi were on their way to an ecumenical/inter-faith conference, travelling inter-city by train.  Beside them was a “civilian” passenger at their table for four.

Each of the clergymen respectively was tackling the Times crossword  and, at one point, were scratching their head in  annoyance and puzzlement

The Bishop muttered “four letter word down…”

The Church of Scotland minister mumbled “essentially female”

The Rabbi added “ends in “.unt”

In desperation, the Bishop turned to the other guy sitting beside them: “young man, what’s a four letter word that ends in “unt” and the clue is “essentially feminine?”

The guy thought for a moment and then said “aunt”

The Church of Scotland minister then asked “you don’t have any Tip Ex on you, by any chance?”

The Bishop then said “or an eraser?”

The Rabbi added “is there a waste paper basket near here?”

1 Comment

September 16, 2012 · 16:09