Tag Archives: cars
Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock’s forthcoming wedding.
“Och, it’s all going magic,” says Jock. “I’ve got everything organised already, the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night.”
Archie nods approvingly.
“Hell, I’ve even bought a kilt to be married in,” continues Jock.
“A kilt?” asks Archie. “That’s braw, you’ll look pure smart in that. What’s the tartan?”
“Och,” says Jock, “I’d imagine she’ll just be in white.”
The Meenister’s Log
Three friends are in a car driving to a football game when a truck runs them over, killing them instantly.
They find themselves at the Pearly Gates being interviewed by St. Peter. “OK, you,” he says, pointing to Joe, “How many times did you cheat on your wife?
And don’t lie, I’m St. Peter you know.
Joe hangs his head and replies, “Honestly Pete, it was probably two or three a month”
St. Peter says, “OK, your car in heaven is that used Metro over there, goodbye.”
He looks at Eddie and asks, “How many times did you cheat on your wife?” Eddie replies,
“I must admit that in 15 years of marriage I did cheat on my wife 3 times.”
St. Peter says, “OK, your car in heaven is that Austin Allegro – goodbye.”
He then looks at Bill and asks, “And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?”
Bill lifts his head high and replies, “I am proud to say that over 20 years of marriage, I never cheated on my wife! In fact, my beloved has been dead for 2 years now and I remained celibate the whole time!”
St. Peter replies, “Very impressive. Your car in heaven is that Ferrari convertible.
A couple of hours later, Joe and Eddie are waiting for Bill at the park where all three had planned to meet.
Bill arrives a couple of minutes late in his Ferrari, and his friends notice that he is sobbing like a baby.
Joe asks, “Hey! Whatsamatterwidyou? We should be crying! We’re stuck with these ugly buckets and you got a new Ferrari!”
Bill between sobs replies, “I just saw my wife on a skateboard!”