Tag Archives: Catholics

Businessman from Galilee

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The Vatican Releases ‘Roman Calendar’ Featuring the Most Handsome Priests

imageThe Vatican put their traditional calendar for next year on sale without the need of hiring professional models, since the most handsome and sexy priests were there already.
The Calendario Romano website introduced the latest edition of the printed calendar that Vatican priests do every year in collaboration with Italian photographer Piero Pazzi.
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This is not an official Vatican product, according to El Mundo, but it has been well-accepted by Catholics in Rome who bought it for 10 Euro.
Each month of 2014 is accompanied with the photograph of a young priest photographed by Pazzi during their daily lives, serving the community or smiling for a pose and wearing their robes.

The Italian photographer said that almost 75,000 copies of the calendar are sold every year.
The priests posed voluntarily, after the success obtained since 2004, with a hat, reading the newspaper, reading a book, or making a face.
The Vatican introduced the sexiest members of the Vatican, with a similar idea to women’s calendars made throughout the world.
The project has received positive criticism on social networks by Catholics, mostly women, who have shown their interest in seeing the most handsome priests of the church.
Some have even joked that these celibate men are being “wasted”.
Every month is in a different language thanks to people from other European and American countries showing their interest in buying a copy of the calendar.
The Vatican is also selling a cat calendar titled “Romantic Cats 2014” showing photographs of the cute little animals.

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Chris Okotie (via Nigeria Metro)

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Nigeria Metro “Catholics will go to hell, Pope Francis is the Anti-Christ” – Chris Okotie
Dec 2, 2013.

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Pastor Chris Okotie left his congregation shocked on Sunday (yesterday) when he said that all Catholics in the world will go to hell when they die because they are worshippers of Satan and are led by a Pope who is Anti-Christ and a friend of the Devil.

The fifty-five year old pastor made this controversial statement while he was preaching in his church, Household of God Church in Ikeja, Lagos. He said the Catholic church was a counterfeit church created by Satan. He accused catholics of bowing to idols and crucifying Jesus by eating His flesh and drinking His blood every Sunday.

“They are not Christians and have never been,” Okotie insisted, to the wide-eyed shock of his congregation.

“They don’t know Jesus. They believe that when they eat bread on Sundays, they are eating the body of Jesus. It’s ritual.”

He said Pope Francis is Anti-Christ, doing the bidding of the devil and that it was only a matter of time before the Catholic church came out to declare full service to Satan.

He urged his congregation to save the Catholics by evangelizing to them. He added that all he was saying wasn’t out of disrespect. Rather, he was showing respect for the word of God.

He added that it was only fair that those who knew the truth should bring it to those who didn’t in the Catholic church. He said that Pope John Paul II, one of the most revered popes in recent Catholic history, had handed over the Catholic Church to Mary, earthly mother of Jesus, and that the current Pope (Francis) had done the same thing, instead of surrendering it to Jesus Christ Himself.

He said that, while he didn’t write the bible, it was obvious that Catholics aren’t Christians and they do not serve the same Christ he preaches about in the bible. He added that Catholics didn’t even believe in hell, but in purgatory (“the purgatory that they invented,” he added)

Pastor Chris Okotie has been married twice, and divorced twice, and he announced that there would be a beauty pageant to announce the most beautiful woman in his church next Sunday. His yearly “Grace Programme” will also hold next Sunday.

The former music star, who is now a politician of sorts has always been a controversial character in Nigeria. He once said that it was the devil who informed him that he was going to be a preacher. Pastor Chris Okotie once said the famous Prophet T.B. Joshua was the son of the devil and his congregation will wind up in hell.

Pastor Chris Okotie has announced frequently in recent times that God has anointed him to be president of Nigeria. Alas, the prophecy hasn’t come to fruition yet, as he has lost in the two presidential elections he contested in.

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Wake up and smell the coffee!!!

Wake up and smell the coffee!!!

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December 4, 2013 · 12:05

The Doctrine of the Feline Sedentation

How would the Church of England deal with “the cat sat    on the mat” if it appeared in the Bible?

The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage    did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had    different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted    according to the customs and practices of the period.

This would lead to an immediate backlash from the    Evangelicals. They would make it an essential condition of faith that a real physical,    living cat, being a domestic pet of the Felix Domesticus species, and having a whiskered    head and furry body, four legs and a tail, did physically place its whole body on a floor    covering, designed for that purpose, which is on the floor but not of the floor. The    expression “on the floor but not of the floor” would be explained in a leaflet.

Meanwhile, the Catholics would have developed the Festival    of the Sedentation of the Blessed Cat. This would teach that the cat was white and    majestically reclined on a mat of gold thread before its assumption to the Great Cat    Basket of Heaven. This would be commemorated by the singing of the Magnificat, lighting    three candles, and ringing a bell five times. This would cause a schism withthe Orthodox    Church which would believe that tradition would require Holy Cats Day [as it would be    colloquially known] to be marked by lighting six candles and ringing the bell four times.    This would be partly resolved by the Cuckoo Land Declaration recognising the traditional    validity of each.

Eventually, the House of Bishops would issue a statement on    the Doctrine of the Feline Sedentation. It would explain that traditionally the text    describes a domestic feline quadruped superjacent to an unattached covering on a    fundamental surface. For determining its salvific and eschatological significations, it    would follow the heuristic analytical principles adopted in dealing with the Canine    Fenestration Question [How much is that doggie in the window?] and the Affirmative    Musaceous Paradox [Yes, we have no bananas]. And so on, for another 210 pages.

The General Synod would then commend this report as helpful    resource material for clergy to explain to the man in the pew the difficult doctrine of    the cat sat on the mat.

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True Brotherhood

Muslims protecting Catholic Christians at Mass in Egypt – stunning!Image

 

for those among us who are blinded by hate: Human Shield…. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

 

 

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August 17, 2013 · 07:59

Faith and Fitba’

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June 3, 2013 · 12:19

a tour of heaven

A man died and went to the hereafter.

Saint Peter met him at the pearly gates and gave  him a tour of heaven.
“In this room you can see all your loved ones who passed away before you.” stated Saint Peter.
” This room is the Lords library.” said Peter “In here you will find every great novel ever written by all the greatest authors.”
“This is the kitchen, in here you can feast on everything your heart desires.” he remarked.
“The next room is our gym. Here you can excel in any sport you wish to play.” Saint Peter said.
Then quietly sneaking by the next room Peter whispers, “Be very quiet when you pass by this room.”
“Why’s that?” asked the new arrival, “Are the angels sleeping in there?”
“No.” replied Saint Peter, “In this room are the Wee Frees, and they think they are the only ones here.”
–ooOOoo–
I heard this originally as this:
A man dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter offers him a tour on his way to his quarters. St. Peter takes the man down a beautiful road paved with gold bricks.
They pass a beautiful, tall, Cathedral-like building. It’s huge, with stained glass windows and angels carved into the stonework. People are quietly filing into the front door as music from a beautiful pipe organ emanates from within.”Wow!” exclaims the man. “What a beautiful building! Who are those people?””Them? Those are all the Catholics. They’re getting ready to have high mass.” St. Peter replies.

“Oh.” says the man, as they continue walking down the street.

Next they approach a large grassy area with a modest red brick building that has a tall white steeple at the top. There are huge tables all over the lawn covered with dishes of  salad, fried chicken wings, and every casserole imaginable. People are eating to their heart’s content and laughing, talking and socializing as their children run around playing in the grass.

“St. Peter, who are all those people?” the man asks.

“Oh those people? Those are the Methodists. They’re having another one of their picnics or something.” The man nods in understanding.

They then hear unaccompanied psalm singing coming from a plain-looking, no frills building

“Ah, the Wee Frees,” says the man and Peter nods his head in agreement.

A school next – no children but the raucous noise of drums, guitars and keyboards and cries of “Hallujah! Praise the Lord! Amen!”

Peter explains that this is an Pentecostal group who hire this building for worship.

They then look through the door of an ordinary looking church building with pealing paint, crumbling stonework, a leaking roof, no heating and half a dozen old ladies (some of whom have dozed off) – yes, The Church of Scotland!

Soon St. Peter and the man start walking into and area with lots of trees. It looks like their nearing the woods. As they walk deeper into the trees, the man notices a clearing into the distance. There’s a small village of stone buildings, streams of white smoke puffing from the chimney tops, and beautiful flower and vegetable gardens around the homes. People are quietly milling around and talking.

“St. Peter, who are those people?” the man asks.

“Shhh!” shushes St. Peter with his finger to his mouth. “Those are the Jehovah’s Witnesses. They think they’re the only ones up here.”

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