Tag Archives: Catholics
The Vatican put their traditional calendar for next year on sale without the need of hiring professional models, since the most handsome and sexy priests were there already.
The Calendario Romano website introduced the latest edition of the printed calendar that Vatican priests do every year in collaboration with Italian photographer Piero Pazzi.
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This is not an official Vatican product, according to El Mundo, but it has been well-accepted by Catholics in Rome who bought it for 10 Euro.
Each month of 2014 is accompanied with the photograph of a young priest photographed by Pazzi during their daily lives, serving the community or smiling for a pose and wearing their robes.
The Italian photographer said that almost 75,000 copies of the calendar are sold every year.
The priests posed voluntarily, after the success obtained since 2004, with a hat, reading the newspaper, reading a book, or making a face.
The Vatican introduced the sexiest members of the Vatican, with a similar idea to women’s calendars made throughout the world.
The project has received positive criticism on social networks by Catholics, mostly women, who have shown their interest in seeing the most handsome priests of the church.
Some have even joked that these celibate men are being “wasted”.
Every month is in a different language thanks to people from other European and American countries showing their interest in buying a copy of the calendar.
The Vatican is also selling a cat calendar titled “Romantic Cats 2014” showing photographs of the cute little animals.
Nigeria Metro “Catholics will go to hell, Pope Francis is the Anti-Christ” – Chris Okotie
Dec 2, 2013.
Pastor Chris Okotie left his congregation shocked on Sunday (yesterday) when he said that all Catholics in the world will go to hell when they die because they are worshippers of Satan and are led by a Pope who is Anti-Christ and a friend of the Devil.
The fifty-five year old pastor made this controversial statement while he was preaching in his church, Household of God Church in Ikeja, Lagos. He said the Catholic church was a counterfeit church created by Satan. He accused catholics of bowing to idols and crucifying Jesus by eating His flesh and drinking His blood every Sunday.
“They are not Christians and have never been,” Okotie insisted, to the wide-eyed shock of his congregation.
“They don’t know Jesus. They believe that when they eat bread on Sundays, they are eating the body of Jesus. It’s ritual.”
He said Pope Francis is Anti-Christ, doing the bidding of the devil and that it was only a matter of time before the Catholic church came out to declare full service to Satan.
He urged his congregation to save the Catholics by evangelizing to them. He added that all he was saying wasn’t out of disrespect. Rather, he was showing respect for the word of God.
He added that it was only fair that those who knew the truth should bring it to those who didn’t in the Catholic church. He said that Pope John Paul II, one of the most revered popes in recent Catholic history, had handed over the Catholic Church to Mary, earthly mother of Jesus, and that the current Pope (Francis) had done the same thing, instead of surrendering it to Jesus Christ Himself.
He said that, while he didn’t write the bible, it was obvious that Catholics aren’t Christians and they do not serve the same Christ he preaches about in the bible. He added that Catholics didn’t even believe in hell, but in purgatory (“the purgatory that they invented,” he added)
Pastor Chris Okotie has been married twice, and divorced twice, and he announced that there would be a beauty pageant to announce the most beautiful woman in his church next Sunday. His yearly “Grace Programme” will also hold next Sunday.
The former music star, who is now a politician of sorts has always been a controversial character in Nigeria. He once said that it was the devil who informed him that he was going to be a preacher. Pastor Chris Okotie once said the famous Prophet T.B. Joshua was the son of the devil and his congregation will wind up in hell.
Pastor Chris Okotie has announced frequently in recent times that God has anointed him to be president of Nigeria. Alas, the prophecy hasn’t come to fruition yet, as he has lost in the two presidential elections he contested in.
How would the Church of England deal with “the cat sat on the mat” if it appeared in the Bible?
The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.
This would lead to an immediate backlash from the Evangelicals. They would make it an essential condition of faith that a real physical, living cat, being a domestic pet of the Felix Domesticus species, and having a whiskered head and furry body, four legs and a tail, did physically place its whole body on a floor covering, designed for that purpose, which is on the floor but not of the floor. The expression “on the floor but not of the floor” would be explained in a leaflet.
Meanwhile, the Catholics would have developed the Festival of the Sedentation of the Blessed Cat. This would teach that the cat was white and majestically reclined on a mat of gold thread before its assumption to the Great Cat Basket of Heaven. This would be commemorated by the singing of the Magnificat, lighting three candles, and ringing a bell five times. This would cause a schism withthe Orthodox Church which would believe that tradition would require Holy Cats Day [as it would be colloquially known] to be marked by lighting six candles and ringing the bell four times. This would be partly resolved by the Cuckoo Land Declaration recognising the traditional validity of each.
Eventually, the House of Bishops would issue a statement on the Doctrine of the Feline Sedentation. It would explain that traditionally the text describes a domestic feline quadruped superjacent to an unattached covering on a fundamental surface. For determining its salvific and eschatological significations, it would follow the heuristic analytical principles adopted in dealing with the Canine Fenestration Question [How much is that doggie in the window?] and the Affirmative Musaceous Paradox [Yes, we have no bananas]. And so on, for another 210 pages.
The General Synod would then commend this report as helpful resource material for clergy to explain to the man in the pew the difficult doctrine of the cat sat on the mat.
A man died and went to the hereafter.
“Oh.” says the man, as they continue walking down the street.
Next they approach a large grassy area with a modest red brick building that has a tall white steeple at the top. There are huge tables all over the lawn covered with dishes of salad, fried chicken wings, and every casserole imaginable. People are eating to their heart’s content and laughing, talking and socializing as their children run around playing in the grass.
“St. Peter, who are all those people?” the man asks.
“Oh those people? Those are the Methodists. They’re having another one of their picnics or something.” The man nods in understanding.
They then hear unaccompanied psalm singing coming from a plain-looking, no frills building
“Ah, the Wee Frees,” says the man and Peter nods his head in agreement.
A school next – no children but the raucous noise of drums, guitars and keyboards and cries of “Hallujah! Praise the Lord! Amen!”
Peter explains that this is an Pentecostal group who hire this building for worship.
They then look through the door of an ordinary looking church building with pealing paint, crumbling stonework, a leaking roof, no heating and half a dozen old ladies (some of whom have dozed off) – yes, The Church of Scotland!
Soon St. Peter and the man start walking into and area with lots of trees. It looks like their nearing the woods. As they walk deeper into the trees, the man notices a clearing into the distance. There’s a small village of stone buildings, streams of white smoke puffing from the chimney tops, and beautiful flower and vegetable gardens around the homes. People are quietly milling around and talking.
“St. Peter, who are those people?” the man asks.
“Shhh!” shushes St. Peter with his finger to his mouth. “Those are the Jehovah’s Witnesses. They think they’re the only ones up here.”
- Cartoon: Mrs Thatcher at the Pearly Gates (englishblog.com)