Tag Archives: cell phones

“Get me Jesus on the line”




Just a few years ago, a well-loved and respected retired Minister was deservedly awarded an MBE (Member of the British Empire)

At the Presbytery meeting, following his recognition by Her Majesty, I happenened to be sitting beside him.

The Moderator was addressing him, and, rightly commending him and congratulating him on receiving this prized honour.

Suddenly, in the middle of the Moderator’s encomium, a mobile phone rang shrilly.

In a stage whisper, I said: “That will be the Palace asking for it back!”

{and, yes, some DID laugh}


Not a laughing matter….. many years ago, a particular “pastor” got himself into a spot of bother over a cell phone.

He was was from an independent church somewhere near Gretna Green, Scotland’s Wedding Capital.

He spent so much time there – in the various “Blacksmiths” venues, that (a) he made enough money from fees that he was able to build a house! And (b) he occasionally lost track of where he should be and when – to conduct a marriage ceremony.

Once, when nearing the end of one of his “Over the Anvil” services, his phone rang. Rather than ignore it, he answered it (this, mind you, during a wedding service).

It was another venue, where he was due round about that time (for yet another ceremony), and they were checking to find out where he was.

Rather than answer “soto voce”, he replied in a way that everyone present could hear…”I’m at ‘Ye Olde Horse-shoeing Anvil Shoppe’ (or wherever); I’ll be with you in five minutes or so, once I’ve finished with this lot!”

Naturally, the Bride’s Mother was not best pleased. “You’re the most insincere so-called clergyman I’ve ever met!”  And she complained in no uncertain terms to the venue’s “marriage co-ordinators”

He didn’t conduct many more weddings thereafter.


I always check that my phone is switched off before taking a service of any kind.  I once had as my ring tone the theme tune from ‘The Great Escape’ – now, imagine if it had been left switched on during a funeral?!!!

Or – my current one: the ‘Mission Impossible’ tune…… at a wedding???!!!


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The first two were posted by my friend (and one of my successors at Greyfriars Church in Trinidad)

The Rev Clifford Rawlins:

  • One wedding in Greyfriars saw me giving the nuptial blessing, “God the Father, God the Son…” when the bride’s mentally challenged uncle jumped up and blurted out, “AND GOD THE HOLY GHOST!” And I continued, “God the Holy Ghost…” And the man responded, jumping up and flicking his fingers in the air like a schoolboy, shouting, “See! See what I tell allyuh! Same thing I say! I know he was going to say dat!”


  • Another one by a colleague had the groom tell him, “Jes now eh Father, gimme a minute.” And he proceeded to turn around and scream, “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” After which he faced he minister again and calmly asked him to continue with the service.


and these from a website:


  • The uncle of the bride sent a request in since he could not attend. He asked someone to read 1 John 4:18: “There is no fear in love; instead perfect love drives out fear.” Unfortunately, the reader quoted John 4:18 at the wedding: “For you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband.”
  • The groom’s ex-wife stood in the back of the sanctuary yelling “not” as the pastor read 1 Corinthians 13.


  • This outdoor wedding had a stray dog as a guest. He kept bringing a tennis ball to the pastor and putting it at his feet.


  • During the wedding service, a guest’s phone loudly declares, “You have reached your destination.”


And two of my own:

  • After the Marriage Schedule had been signed, and the legal formalities completed, the bride and groom (both Beatles fans) walked up the aisle to the song “Ticket to Ride”


  • Just as another wedding ceremony began, a guest’s phone rang – the ringtone was the theme from “Mission Impossible “





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“But then Face to Face”


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Thou shalt have no other gods before me

Thou shalt have no other gods before me

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September 20, 2013 · 17:49