Tag Archives: choir
In the early 1980s, I once attended a church service in Grand Rapids, Michigan……
….. in a drive-in movie theatre on a Sunday morning!
The place was used at night as an outdoor cinema but on Sunday morning became a venue for worship of a sort.
My sister-in-law and I drove my rental car into this quite large arena which was rapidly (sic) filling up with other drivers, parked alongside a sound post and attached the audio speaker through the top of the driver’s window…… and waited.
The “pastor” appeared on stage – in front of the blank movie screen – wearing a salmon pink suit and welcomed us, before introducing a choir which sang a couple of worship ditties. There was then a prayer, Scripture Readings, more music and a brief sermon – rather what one would expect of any Church Service BUT WITHOUT ANY PARTICIPATION FROM THOSE IN THE PARKED CARS.
It was a strange experience. There was no fellowship; the “worshipers” were isolated in their vehicles. There was no communication between congregation and Minister; no interchange nor participation in any way in the service; no congregation singing nor responsive prayers. Nobody left their parked cars but just sat there passively. Just a kind of emptiness; a void (and I wish that I had avoided it).
And the hot dog and popcorn stands were shut too! I should have brought my own beer and sandwiches! (only kidding)
As we left, we couldn’t get through the exit gate before putting our offering in a bucket proffered by burly “stewards” who stopped each car before it left.
Quite bizarre altogether but an experience.
during the uplifting of the Offering, the Meenister went over to the organist and said, “you see Miss M. In the choir? I always thought that she was a natural blonde – but she’s wearing a very short skirt today and, well, you can see right up it and she’s obviously not!”
“Aye, she is a genuine blonde – these are a cluster of bluebottles you’re looking at!”
A certain choir was rehearsing one of Stanford’s more difficult pieces when the choir director noiced a kerfuffle in the organ loft. He called up, “Mr. Y, is there a problem?” Came the peeved reply, “Yes! My pedal light is out!” Silence followed for a moment, then- “Mr. Y, Bach never had a pedal light!”
To which Mr. Y retorted, “Bach never had to play Stanford in G!”
Sir Charles Villiers Stanford was an Irish composer, music teacher, and conductor. Born to a well-off and highly musical family in Dublin, Stanford was educated at the University of Cambridge before studying music in Leipzig and Berlin.
A church had a man in the choir who couldn’t sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choirmaster became desperate and went to the minister.
“You’ve got to get that man out of the choir,” he said. “If you don’t, I’m going to resign. The choir members are going to give too. Please do something.”
So the minister went to the man and suggested, “Perhaps you should leave the choir.”
“Why should I get out of the choir?” he asked.
“Well, five or six people have told me you can’t sing.”
That’s nothing,” the man snorted. “Fifty people have told me that you can’t preach!”
AMEN: The only part of any prayer that everyone knows.
AND IN CONCLUSION: A required statement midway through the sermon.
BAPTISTRY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
BULLETIN: 1. Parish information, read only during the sermon.
CHOIR: 1. A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to pantomime singing.
2. If the music is quality, the words cannot be understood.
3. If the words are quality, the music is lousy.
HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range.
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER: The Bible’s way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Protestant Churches.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of the service, consisting of the pastors, the choir, and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song on Sunday AM, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.