Miss daisy, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The minister came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring,and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlour. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.
Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity!
When she returned with tea and biscuits, they began to chat. The minister tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.
“Miss Daisy,” he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” (pointing to the bowl).
“Oh, yes,” she replied, “isn’t it wonderful? I was walking downtown last autumn and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know… I haven’t had a cold all winter.”
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain.
One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude : What on earth is THAT?
Mable : A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.
Maude : Where did you get it?
Mable : You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles off to the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely, (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
“Doesn’t matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.”
The Meenister’s Log
A newly ordained minister set off to visit all of his new Parishioners within his first year of being inducted to his new Charge.
On one occasion he paid a visit to a 92 year old church member. She welcomed him into the sitting room. While she made some tea, he looked around and saw a beautiful oak pump organ with a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was half filled with water and a condom was floating on top of it. Astonished and shocked, he quickly turned away. But after tea his curiosity got the best of him and he asked her about it.
“Oh, yes” she said enthusiastically, “While in town last year I found a package on the pavement. The directions on the back said ‘keep wet and put on your organ to prevent disease.
“And you know, I think it works. I haven’t had a cold all winter.”