Tag Archives: dick

Acid Drops

A vicar on his way to Bournemouth for a few days holiday finds himself in a train compartment with some young ladies under the beady-eye of their manageress: it turns out they are to play in an all-female version of the pantomime “Dick Whittington”.

Some time into the trip the ladies are discussing their favourite panto rôles. “I usually take Cinderella” says one. “And I take Buttons” says another.

The vicar pulls out a bag of acid-drops (this was in the days when such things were sweets, not drugs) and offers them around, saying “and which one of you takes Dick ?”

“We all do, dear” says the manageress, “but not for acid drops !”

{variant on this in Kenneth Williams’ book “Acid Drops”}

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What’s in a Name?

One of my predecessors in a certain Charge, preferred to be addressed (on the phone, at least) as “Reverend Sir”.

I always asked folk (including KS members) to call me “Sandy”. As Moderator of Lothian Presbytery, I invited those who wished to speak by their Christian name. There is a time and a place for formality and vice versa. Perhaps we are getting too chummy and familiar in ministry –  should there be a “professional” space between minister and church member?

As a Healthcare Chaplain, I got the word (abbreviation) “Rev” removed from my ID badge and always introduced myself to a patient as “I’m Sandy, the hospital chaplain” but always addressed the patient as “Mr/Mrs/Miss/ Ms” unless they asked me to use their first name.

I once conducted a particular wedding service in an hotel, and before the ceremony began, I was chatting to some of the guests, one of whom asked me what my first name is.

I replied, “Sandy”  (Scots diminutive – and I am a diminutive Scot! – for Alexander, my Christian name; it’s from the “xand” part of the full name)

To which he replied “you don’t have sandy hair – more like mouse coloured; shouldn’t you be called ‘Mickey'”

Nonplussed, I asked him what his name was.  

He answered “Dick”

Reply: “What? even though you don’t have one!”

Silence….. then his friends laughed and he joined in.  Thank the good Lord; he must have been 6′ 3″

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Werther’s Original

A vicar gets on a train. In his carriage are a group of five fine looking young ladies.

To break the ice, he offers round his bag of Werther’s Original and then asks, “So, what do you young ladies do?”

“We do panto. We are currently starring in Dick Whittington!” reply the girls.

“That’s fabulous. Which parts do you take?”

The first lady says, “I take the part of the cat.”

The second lady continues, “I take the part of Buttons.”

“Really?” asks the vicar. “Who takes Dick?”

“We all do!” says the third girl, “but it’ll cost you a lot more than a Werther’s Original!”

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