Tag Archives: Eve
9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote control for the TV
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor, dentist or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put out the wheely bin
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, since he didn’t have metal sheds or greenhouses, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, “It is not good for man to be alone!”
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, “I can do much better than that!”
But He couldn’t quite decide how to split them between Adam and Eve. He thought He might just as well ask them. He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up.
“It’s a very handy thing,” God told them, “and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it.”
Well, Adam was so excited he jumped up and down and begged, “Oh, please give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!” On and on he went like a happy little boy.
Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it.
So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up.
Adam was so thrilled he just started whizzing all over the place – first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away – laughing with delight all the while.
God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, “Well, I guess you’re kind of stuck with the last thing I have left.”
“What’s it called?” asked Eve.
“Brains”, answered God.
From an Article in the Global Village
‘God, I have a problem.’
‘What’s your problem Eve?’
‘I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all these wonderful animals as well as that hilarious snake, but I’m just not happy, ‘
‘And why is that Eve?’
‘God, I am lonely and bored and I’m sick to death of apples.’
‘Well Eve, in that case I shall create a man for you’
‘Man? What is that, God?’
‘A flawed base creature with many bad traits. he’ll lie, cheat and be vain. He will revel in childish things. he’ll be bigger than you and will like fighting, hunting and killing things. He won’t be too smart so will need your advice to think properly. He will have a limited emotional capacity so will need to be trained. He will look silly when aroused, but since You’ve been complaining of boredom, I’ll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs and you need never be bored again.’
‘Sounds great’, said Eve but what’s the catch, God’
‘Well, you can have him on one condition.’
‘And what’s that, God?’
‘As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring, so you’ll have to let him believe I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret. You know, woman to woman.’