Home Alone

A minister, visiting his Parishioners, knocks on a particular door.

It’s is opened by a boy about 8 or 9, glass of brandy in one hand, cigar in the other, betting slip poking out from his pocket, and “girlie” magazine tucked under his arm.

The minister says, “are your mum and dad in?”

Kid says “Does it look like it?”

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The “Show” must go on

My beloved Father died 39 years ago yesterday (on 21 February 1976) in Glasgow  – at the Western Infirmary. Yesterday, he was very much on my mind. What a decent and honourable man he was, and a loving and beloved Dad, whose counsel was wise, realistic, and positive.  I wish that I was even half the man that he was.

It was a Saturday – early evening – when he passed away.  After the usual formalities, I took my mother home (widowed at the age of 55), and stayed with her until almost midnight.

I then drove home to my Manse – some 40 miles away  – where my beloved wife (and one year old son – fast asleep) was waiting.

After talking things through for an hour or so, I went into my study and stayed up all night, writing a sermon from scratch; my organist was a wonderful, delightful, talented musician – who often was given the praise list half an hour before the service – so no problems there, with what hymns would be sung.  Davie – you were wonderful, as a musician, and as a friend.

This was my first Charge and had only been there for a couple of years – so no “Golden Oldies” to rehash.  I think that I finished typing my notes about 6.30 that morning.

And, in the pulpit on time on the Sunday morning. Haven’t a clue what I preached about (it’s somewhere in my files).

Then, after a snatched lunch, back down the road to Glasgow.

Foolhardy? Professional? Let the congregation down with sub-standard material?  What do YOU think?P

Funerals

Yesterday was unusual insofar as I conducted my first funeral for over a year and a half (gone are the days when it was over one hundred a year and, on one occasion, an epic FIVE in one day)

It was also the first time that I’d been back to Roucan Loch Crematorium (pictured) since the funeral service of my beloved wife, Helen, in June 2012.

It went OK

Sometimes, professionalism kicks in

I conducted my mother’s funeral just a few years ago, and before hat, my father-in-law’s.

My father died in 1976 in Glasgow – on a Saturday evening. I left the family home late that night, drove the thirty-odd miles to where I was ministering at the time. Stayed up for several hours preparing a sermon, preached on the Sunday morning at 11.00 a.m, back to the Manse to get changed and grab a quick bite to eat, then back down the road to visit my mother.

Sometimes – just sometimes – you have to put duty first.

Goodbye

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying: ‘God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa.’ The father asked, ‘Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?’ The

little girl said, ‘I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.’

The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: ‘God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.’

The next day the grandmother died. ‘Holy **** ‘ thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: ‘God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy.’

He practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally, midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said ‘I’ve never seen you work so late, what’s the matter?’

He said ‘I don’t want to talk about it; I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.’

She said, ‘You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!

Clerical Collar

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

… The man, who was a priest, said, ‘I am a Father.’

The little boy replied, ‘My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.’

The priest looked up from his book and answered, ”I am the Father of many.’

The boy said, ”My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way!’

The priest, getting impatient, said. ‘I am the Father of hundreds’, and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, “Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.”

Father and Bride

A Prayer

Almighty life giving God, we praise you for being who you are:

The power and personality who brings time into being from your Eternity

The imagination and creator who made this world and everything therein

The Life giving Father who cares for us with a fatherly love which supports and nurtures and cares

The Breath of life and Wind of change who enables us to rejoice in your presence and to respond to your love shown to us on the Cross of Calvary…….

We ask you to help us recognise you in this place and in each other and to give you our praise. 

Across this nation, faithful God, are groups of people giving you praise:

In city cathedrals, community centres, chapels, campsites and homes,

On bustling streets, quiet Highland glens and beaches.

You are at home in each one and though our songs and style differ you hear the praise of honest hearts, You hear the penitent plea for pardon, you share concern for the people in and out of the church.

Living God, bind your people together and enable us to share where and what we can, gladly rejoicing in common redemption.

May we be invigorated, challenged and blessed by co-operation.

And may Your Word be seen, heard and celebrated, giving your Holy Spirit the opportunity to change lives for the better.

For the sake of Jesus Christ who challenges us every day  AMEN

Father Jack for Pope – feck, arse!