Tag Archives: God

That’s life

On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”

And God saw it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”

And God, again saw it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”

And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back,
the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.

For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.

For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.

And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.

I’m doing it as a public service.

If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.

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Night and Day – He’s the one

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May 8, 2018 · 11:09

Work in progress

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September 26, 2017 · 09:59

“Footprints in the Sand”

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September 4, 2017 · 19:57

GodPad

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August 26, 2017 · 16:26

Behold, I make all things new…

A somewhat dowdy middle-aged woman was devasted when her husband of almost thirty years ran off with an attractive blonde more than half her age.

Depressed and stressed, with tension gripping her, she suffered a heart attack, and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked “Is my time up?”

God said, “No, you have another 38 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it….and, who knows, perhaps even meet a “toy boy”. A new life beckoned.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 38 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”

God replied: “I didn’t recognize you.”

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This clown knows the mind of God

Glenn Beck struggles to come to grips with the fact that God’s chosen candidate, Ted Cruz, has withdrawn from the Republican presidential race.

The rejection of Cruz by Republican voters was “the last reckoning for us,” Beck declared, warning that God will now allow this nation to suffer the consequences of our decisions. America, Beck said, has become “a petulant child” that God has warned and scolded and disciplined over and over again “but the behavior is getting worse” and so punishment must follow.

God cannot allow this nation to escape the punishment that is due, he said, because “that would be a bad dad. That would be a very bad dad and the one thing I know about God, He ain’t a bad dad.”

 

 

Later, Beck declared that he can never vote for Donald Trump because such a vote carries eternal consequences.

“Tuesday changed the course of the world,” he said, and now “when we lose [freedom] here,” everyone will be called to account by God “because we were born at this time, in this country because every one of us are warriors,” but too many people gave up the fight before the battle was won.

Beck refuses to put himself in a situation where he has to try to justify to God his decision to vote for a lying, narcissistic sociopath like Trump, saying that those who are attempting to minimize or dismiss the rampant warning signs about the Republican frontrunner are no different than those throughout history who have voted to “elect a madman.”

– See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/glenn-beck-says-god-must-punish-america-rejecting-ted-cruz-because-he-aint-bad-dad#sthash.ncqjydyl.dpuf

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God judges….

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April 14, 2016 · 11:01

The Screaming Pastor

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MENE, MENE TEKEL UPHARSIN!

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February 10, 2016 · 18:13