Tag Archives: God
A somewhat dowdy middle-aged woman was devasted when her husband of almost thirty years ran off with an attractive blonde more than half her age.
Depressed and stressed, with tension gripping her, she suffered a heart attack, and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked “Is my time up?”
God said, “No, you have another 38 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it….and, who knows, perhaps even meet a “toy boy”. A new life beckoned.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 38 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”
God replied: “I didn’t recognize you.”
Glenn Beck struggles to come to grips with the fact that God’s chosen candidate, Ted Cruz, has withdrawn from the Republican presidential race.
The rejection of Cruz by Republican voters was “the last reckoning for us,” Beck declared, warning that God will now allow this nation to suffer the consequences of our decisions. America, Beck said, has become “a petulant child” that God has warned and scolded and disciplined over and over again “but the behavior is getting worse” and so punishment must follow.
God cannot allow this nation to escape the punishment that is due, he said, because “that would be a bad dad. That would be a very bad dad and the one thing I know about God, He ain’t a bad dad.”
Later, Beck declared that he can never vote for Donald Trump because such a vote carries eternal consequences.
“Tuesday changed the course of the world,” he said, and now “when we lose [freedom] here,” everyone will be called to account by God “because we were born at this time, in this country because every one of us are warriors,” but too many people gave up the fight before the battle was won.
Beck refuses to put himself in a situation where he has to try to justify to God his decision to vote for a lying, narcissistic sociopath like Trump, saying that those who are attempting to minimize or dismiss the rampant warning signs about the Republican frontrunner are no different than those throughout history who have voted to “elect a madman.”