Tag Archives: guests

Today’s Wedding (23 August 2013)

Wedding of a lovely couple at 5.00 p.m today at the Crichton Memorial Church.

Got there at 4.40 and the side door was open but nobody in sight; opened the bolted inner doors then went down the flight of steps to discover that the main (grill-type) door was padlocked.

All the guests were outside (luckily a fine late afternoon with no rain); called through the grill to the photographer who said that he’d called the office an hour before. Called them again and as it was 4.50 we got the guests (and it was a marvellous number) in through the side door.

At 4.55 one of the janitors  arrived but without the keys for the main door. We got them in eventually and the bridal party was able to make its entrance.

Bloody amateur hour in Dixie. No candles lit; no sign of  the janitor who buggered off and didn’t let the bridegroom, best man and me (who were in the vestry) know when’s the bridal party had arrived; no clip on mike available.

Disgrace. Have emailed them and asked the family to write.

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Funeral Arrangements

While an old man lay dying in his bedroom, his family sat in the living room discussing his funeral arrangements. 
       
Son Arthur said: “Well, make a real big thing out of it. We’ll have five hundred people, and we’ll order fifty limos.” 
       
Daughter Emily disagreed. “Why do you want to waste money like that” We’ll have the family and just a few friends. One limo for us will be plenty.” 
       
Grandson Jim proposed: “We’ll have lots of flowers. We’ll surround him with dozens of roses and lilies.” 
       
Granddaughter Kylie said: “That’s a complete waste! We’ll have one little bouquet — that will be enough.” 
       
Eventually the rest of the family agreed that it would be foolish to spend lots of money on the funeral. They would keep costs down to the bare minimum. 
       
“No use throwing money away,” said son Edward. 
       
 Suddenly the voice of the old man could be heard, wafting weakly from the bedroom: “Why don’t you get me my trousers.” I’ll walk to the cemetery!”

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