Tag Archives: hell

A Man and his Dog

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble… At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, ‘Excuse me, where are we?’

‘This is Heaven, sir,’ the man answered.. ‘Wow! Would you happen to have some water?’ the man asked.

Of course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up. ‘The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

‘Can my friend,’ gesturing toward his dog, ‘come in, too?’ the traveler asked.

‘I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.’

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

‘Excuse me!’ he called to the man. ‘Do you have any water?’

‘Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.’

‘How about my friend here?’ the traveler gestured to the dog.

‘There should be a bowl by the pump.’

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree..

‘What do you call this place?’ the traveler asked.

‘This is Heaven,’ he answered.

‘Well, that’s confusing,’ the traveler said. ‘The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.’

‘Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.’

‘Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?’

‘No, we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.

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Pancakes!

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July 22, 2017 · 11:13

Must take up skateboarding

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April 17, 2017 · 18:53

Death’s a beach…..

So, this guy dies…….

……and wakes up on a beach.

The weather is hot, the sea is turquoise and warm, beautiful  girls are playing beach volleyball, barbecues everywhere, laughter and joy.

All of a sudden, Satan comes up to him.

“Welcome to Hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me.” he says.

The guy walks along the beach, has a few drinks with a nice girl.

He walks over a hill, when he sees a hole in the ground, full with tormented people, flames rising up from the hole.

The guy runs towards the beach until he finds Satan.

“Hey, I found this hole and all these people are being tormented… What’s that about?”

“Oh”, Satan says:

“That’s for the Christians, they want it that way.”

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Welcome to Hell

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A topical story #GE15

While walking down the street one day an MP is tragically hit by a lorry and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

Welcome to heaven,’ says St. Peter. ‘Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.’

‘No problem, just let me in,’ says the man.

‘Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity’

‘Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,’ says the MP.

I’m sorry, but we have our rules.’ And with that, St.Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & a pretty  nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the lift goes up… up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

‘Now it’s time to visit heaven’ he says.

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

‘Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.’

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: ‘Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.’

So St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the rubbish and putting it in bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

‘I don’t understand,’ stammers the MP. ‘Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?’

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ‘Yesterday we were campaigning….Today you voted.’

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The Road to Hell

This is said to be a favourite story of President Lyndon Johnson. A minister was becoming terribly distracted by a man who came to church every Sunday and slept through the entire sermon. One Sunday the preacher decided to do something about it. As he began to preach, the man, true to form, fell fast asleep. Whereupon the preacher said quietly, “Everyone who wants to go to heaven, stand up.” The entire congregation immediately stood up, except the sleeping man. When they sat down, the minister shouted at the top of his voice, “Everyone who want to go to hell, stand up.” This startled the dozing man. Still half asleep, he jumped up, looked around to see what was going on, then said to the minister, “I don’t know what we’re voting on but it looks like you and I are the only ones in favour of it.”

 

 

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Bible

Bible

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January 20, 2014 · 18:54

Hell

Hell

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December 29, 2013 · 12:43

Spong Speaks

John Shelby Spong, retired Episcopal bishop from Newark, N.J., talks about why Christianity must change its view of hell

“Religion is always in the control business .. our problem is not that we are born in sin. Our problem is that we do not yet know how to achieve being fully human” Bishop Jack Spong.

 

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November 18, 2013 · 12:34