Tag Archives: holiday

Death in Jerusalem

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on holiday to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband that he could have her shipped home for £5000; alternatively it would cost only £500 to have her buried in the Holy Land.

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend £5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only £500?”

The man replied, “Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance”

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Acid Drops

A vicar on his way to Bournemouth for a few days holiday finds himself in a train compartment with some young ladies under the beady-eye of their manageress: it turns out they are to play in an all-female version of the pantomime “Dick Whittington”.

Some time into the trip the ladies are discussing their favourite panto rôles. “I usually take Cinderella” says one. “And I take Buttons” says another.

The vicar pulls out a bag of acid-drops (this was in the days when such things were sweets, not drugs) and offers them around, saying “and which one of you takes Dick ?”

“We all do, dear” says the manageress, “but not for acid drops !”

{variant on this in Kenneth Williams’ book “Acid Drops”}

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