Tag Archives: holy water
GIRARD, Ohio (AP) — A spate of five-figure water bills in an Ohio city is being blamed on new software, but a pastor jokes his church’s $93,000 bill was from using too much holy water.
The July bill sent to St. Rose Catholic Church in Girard near Youngstown was one of many erroneous statements sent to the city’s water customers. The (Youngstown) Vindicator (bit.ly/12ooIaW) reports that the Tri-Changes hair salon got a $12,000 bill.
Residents, business owners and clergy recently descended on the city’s water department seeking an explanation.
Girard public services director Jerry Lambert says the city is replacing manual-read meters with automatic readers. He says the errors are a result of software problems during the changeover.
Lambert says the statements should be “100 percent correct” by the next billing cycle in September.
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and her make-up.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up..
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, ”I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger, and cursing at him. I noticed the ‘What Would Jesus Do’ bumper sticker, the ‘Choose Life’ license plate holder, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday-School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally… I assumed you had stolen the car.”
Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are travelling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windscreen
Quick, quick! shouts Sister Mary Agnes, What should we do?
Turn the windscreen wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination, says Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.
What shall I do now? she shouts.
Try the windscreen washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican, replies Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windscreen washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.
Now what? shouts Sister Mary Agnes.
Show him your cross, says Sister Mary Vincent.
Now you’re talking, says Sister Mary Agnes. She then opens the window and shouts, Get the fck off our car, you little f****r!