Tag Archives: little old lady
A frail elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of “moving” Church services. She truly felt the presence of the Holy Spirit around her as she entered the front door of her home. Upon entering the house, she was immediately startledby an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, Stop mister! Acts 2:38!”
(Freeze, repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks and stood motionless with his back to her as she calmly called the police and told them she had a burglar willing to “turn himself in” in her house. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.” “Scripture!” replied the burglar. “I swear I heard her say she had an Axe and Two 38’s!”
One Sunday, while counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. That was quite a windfall for this particular small church, and the Pastor was amazed when it happened again the next week!
On the following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
”Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.
“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church.”
The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?”
The elderly woman answered, “$10,000 a week.”
The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?”
“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.
“That’s an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money,” the pastor said. “Where does he practice?”
The woman answered proudly, “In Nevada .. He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas , and one in Reno
The preacher’s Sunday sermon was Forgive Your Enemies.
Toward the end of the service, He asked his congregation, “how many of you have forgiven their enemies”?
He then repeated his question. As it was nearing lunchtime, this time about 10 percent held up their hands.
He then repeated his question again. All responded, except one small elderly lady.
“Mrs. Jones?” inquired the minister “Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?
“I don’t have any.” she replied. smiling sweetly.
“Mrs. Jones, That is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-three,” she replied.
“Oh Mrs. Jones, what a blessing and a lesson to us all you are. Would you please come down in front of this congregation and tell us all how a person can live ninety-three years and not have an enemy in the world.”
The sweet little old a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said “I poisoned some of them; others had fatal ‘accidents’ and anyhow I’ve outlived the rest of the old b*st**s.”