Tag Archives: Pearly Gates

Hurricane Irma

During the devastation in Florida, caused by Irma, a curfew was imposed during the hours of darkness.

Sadly, a criminal element took advantage of the abandoned streets and looted empty homes and businesses.

The police shot ten looters during the night in Miami.

The crooks arrived at the Pearly Gates, but St Peter refused them entry into Heaven, because of their evil and callous behaviour.

Five minutes later, he reports to God, “they’ve gone”

God, “All of them?”

“Nope!” replies Peter, “The bleedin’ Gates!”

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At the Pearly Gates

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At the Pearly Gates

A priest, a minister and a rabbi all died at the same time and met at the  Pearly Gates. St. Peter stood before the locked gates and looked upon them sternly. “I have been reviewing your lives,” St. Peter began, “You’ve all  done a remarkable job leading exemplary lives. However, before I can allow  any of you to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, you each must answer one question.”

Peter turned towards the priest, “Father, when does life begin?”
The priest proudly replied, “At the moment of conception!”

Consulting his answer sheet, St. Peter said, “You’ve answered according to your faith.   You may now enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

As the priest disappeared through  the Pearly Gates, St. Peter turned to the minister. “When does life begin?”.

The minister, without hesitation proclaimed, “When the head leaves the birth  canal!”

Peter once again checked his list, saying, “You’ve answered according to your faith. You may now enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

As the minister  disappeared through the Pearly Gates, St. Peter turned to the rabbi. “So,  Rabbi, when does life begin?”

The rabbi thought carefully, stroked his  beard, and replied, “When the  kids eventually grow up and leave home.”

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St Peter interviews three new arrivals

The story is told about Peter interviewing three new arrivals in heaven.

Peter, you see, was deeply concerned about religious literacy and he had become convinced that Christians were arriving with little or no knowledge of their faith. Turning to the first of the three new arrivals, he asked, “What does Christmas mean to you?”

The new arrival responded, “Santa comes down the chimney and leaves gifts. We have a big family dinner and we all have fun.”

Disappointed, Peter turned to the second arrival, “What can you tell me about Easter?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” the second arrival responded, “the Easter bunny hides eggs, we have a big family dinner and everyone has fun.”

Now, convinced that things were really very bad, Peter turned to the third arrival and said, “Can you tell me anything more about Easter?”

To which the third arrival responded, “It’s the day that we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord.”

“Go on,” Peter said, suddenly encouraged.

Eagerly the new arrival added, “And when Jesus comes out of the tomb, if he sees his shadow, we have three more weeks of basketball.”

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April 8, 2013 · 10:00

Gay Heaven

Gay Heaven

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April 7, 2013 · 06:46

The Carpenter

St. Peter was guarding the Pearly Gates, waiting for new souls coming to heaven. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. “Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?”

“Sure,” replied Jesus. “What do I have to do?”

“Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven.”

“Sounds easy enough. OK.”

So Jesus manned the gates for St. Peter. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to sit down and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, “What did you do for a living?”

The old man replied, “I was a carpenter.”


Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. “Did you have any family?” he asked.

“Yes, I had a son, but I lost him.”

Jesus leaned forward some more. “You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?”

“Well, he had holes in his hands and feet.”

Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, “Father?”

The old man leaned forward and whispered, “Pinocchio?”


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September 9, 2012 · 12:47