Tag Archives: priest

Clerical Collar

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

… The man, who was a priest, said, ‘I am a Father.’

The little boy replied, ‘My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.’

The priest looked up from his book and answered, ”I am the Father of many.’

The boy said, ”My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way!’

The priest, getting impatient, said. ‘I am the Father of hundreds’, and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, “Maybe you should put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.”

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Parrots

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest inquired.

“They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. ‘Want to have some fun?'”

“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”

“Thank you!” the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say,”Hi, we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?”

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!”

 

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Confession

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June 13, 2017 · 17:34

Politician

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May 10, 2017 · 16:40

Catholic mums & sons

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April 29, 2016 · 20:13

Ha! Ha!

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March 28, 2016 · 07:03

Hello, Goodbye

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February 4, 2016 · 12:47

Lowering the bar

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Con-Dem’d

charlie

Charlie Chaplain’s Tales

 

Yes, Father?” said the nurse.
“I would really like to see Prime Minister David Cameron and his deputy Nick Clegg before I die,” whispered the priest.
“I’ll see what I can do, Father”, replied the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to 10 Downing Street, and waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived; David Cameron and Nick Clegg would be delighted to visit the priest.


As they went to the hospital, Clegg commented to Cameron, “I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.” Cameron agreed that it was a good thing.


When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Cameron hand in his right hand and Cleggs hand in his left hand. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face..


Finally David Cameron spoke. “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”


The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.”


“Amen”, said Cameron. “Amen”, said Clegg.


The old priest continued, “Jesus died between two lying thieves; I would like to do the same

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Sky Pilots 2

Two “men of the cloth” – a Kirk Meenister and a Catholic Priest – found themselves sitting on opposite sides of the aisle on a plane from Edinburgh to London.

About twenty minutes into the flight, there was some pretty severe weather, which resulted in turbulence.  As it got worse, the passengers became increasingly alarmed, and even the cabin crew began to look anxious and concerned.

One of the flight attendants approached the two clergymen, and said, “Father, Reverend – this is really frightening.  Do you suppose that you could do… I don’t know …. well, something, you know, sort of religious?”

So…. the Meenister leaned over to where the Priest was sitting, and said, “You take your side of the plane, and I’ll take this side”

The Priest stood up, and led the passengers on his side of the aeroplane in saying the Lord’s Prayer…….

Meanwhile, on the other side, the Meenister walked up and down the aisle, taking up a collection………

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