Tag Archives: Rapture

After the Rapture

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September 19, 2014 · 18:39

After the Rapture Pet Care (!)

After The Rapture Pet Care

As the Apostle Paul describes in Thessalonians as quoted above, at some point in the future Jesus will come in the air, catch up the Church from the earth, and then return to heaven with the Church. This is known as the Rapture and it will be glorious. But what of our pets? Who will take care of our pets when we’re gone?

I’m Sharon and I’d like to help answer that question. First, let me tell you a story.

The After The Rapture Pet Care Story

The idea came from seeing someone else’s joke. An atheist created a site in England that said she’d take care of Christian-owned pets after the Rapture, and asked for 70 pounds as a “donation.” She promoted it as a joke, and it virally made the rounds amongst non-believers who enjoy making fun of Christians. My husband saw it (he’s an Internet geek) and told me about it. Admittedly, it seemed funny. I told my friend, Carol, who is not a Christian, and she brought up a question: “Hey, if you get raptured, what happens to Petey?” It was an excellent question, and I didn’t have an answer.

A couple weeks later Carol came back and suggested we start After The Rapture Pet Care together. She said she had asked several Christian friends the same question she’d asked me, and every one of them would pay for a service to ensure the care of their pets after the Rapture. I had also asked some fellow Christians their thoughts. In every case they wished there was a way to prepare for their pets’ survival.

I agreed – it’s a real concern, and a legitimate concern. Our pets are given to us by God for us to care for. We are stewards of their lives. Should we simply forget them at the Rapture, allow them to starve or worse?

While planning our system, we thought about the stories of pet rescues in New Orleans after Katrina. Imagine how many more pets would have been saved if there had been a database of pets and volunteers activated immediately. This is something we could do for Christian owned pets.

Carol began recruiting other non-Christian animal lovers nationwide to volunteer to take care of left-behind pets if the Rapture occurs. As a Christian, my role has been to put together a program that is Biblically appropriate and provides true value to Christians. I believe we’ve come up with a plan that is affordable, unique, Biblical and practical.

We have created a database structure that is stored on multiple secure servers, with multi-location online and offline password-protected backups. While I don’t intend to be here when the Rapture occurs, we are building a network of non-Christians who have agreed to rescue and care for our members’ pets if we all disappear.

Yes, it seems funny at first. But, if you believe there is a coming Rapture, and you love your pets, it becomes serious. And that’s what we are – serious about the safety and care of your pets, as well as your peace of mind.

Here’s where our story lead from there:

  › We started with a monthly fee, and people accused us of running a scam of some sort.

  › We wanted to eliminate that stumbling block, so we tried having the registry be free and using Google Adsense and other ways to bring some money in to pay our expenses.

  › Then, a lot of anti-Christian jerks started submitting fake memberships and cluttering up our database.

So we have settled on charging a one-time 10 dollar registration fee to discourage fake sign-ups, while being only a small amount for serious people. Once you sign up through PayPal for $10, you get into your membership area where you can register all your pets. You will never pay another dime, your information is kept secure (never ever shared with anyone outside our organization), and you have peace of mind.

This is what will happen for all pets registered with us immediately after the Rapture:

  1. Our non-Christian administrators will activate our rescue plan.
  2. Volunteers will be alerted immediately by email and telephone that they have been activated.
  3. Pets will be assigned to our Volunteer Pet Caretakers based upon location and other factors.
  4. Our administrators and Volunteer Pet Caretakers will do whatever it takes to find and rescue your pets. If your pet has a location chip, they’ll use that, or they’ll go to every location you’ve registered with us, and, if your pets are not at one of those locations, they’ll search for your cars as well as stay in contact with the local pet shelters. If they are unable to reach a Volunteer Caretaker in your area for whatever reason, our administrators will communicate with local animal organizations, like the Humane Society, to advocate for your pet’s rescue and care.
  5. Our administrators will stay in touch with our Volunteer Pet Caretakers regarding each and every pet to be sure everything is being done to rescue and care for them.

Frequently Asked Questions

Who are these Volunteer Pet Caretakers and how do I know they’ll take good care of my pets?

Most Volunteer Pet Caretakers fit this description:

  • They are atheist or another non-Christian religion.
  • They love animals enough to register with us even though they do not believe there will be a Rapture (or are agnostic about it).
  • They are not paid, so they are not signing up simply to make a quick buck. In fact, they’ve agreed to care for the pets they rescue as their own, including being financially responsible for them.

We match Volunteer Pet Caretakers by location and the types of pets they wish to care for. Some Volunteer Pet Caretakers will care for any type of pet, while others express interest in only caring for particular animals, such as only dogs or only cats. They have agreed to seek out other Volunteer Pet Caretakers to help them with our mission if the Rapture occurs. Each Volunteer Caretaker will be given access to our database of animal shelters and other animal rescue groups so they can quickly find other animal lovers to help rescue your pets.

Can I contact the Volunteer Pet Caretakers in my area?

We have promised our Volunteer Pet Caretakers we will keep their information strictly confidential. If they thought their information would be given out, or that Christians might try to pressure them to become Christians, they simply would not sign up.

Isn’t the world going to be totally collapsed after the Rapture?

When all the Christians on the planet disappear, there will certainly be massive confusion. However, the majority of people will still be on earth, and communications will be their first priority to maintain. Therefore, I believe it will not be a problem to coordinate activities to rescue and care for your pets. As far as the data about all registered pets, it is located on Google servers (the most secure servers in the world) as well as our own server in Lansing, Michigan (away from political and military hot spots to minimize chance of destruction if there is a post-Rapture war). The non-Christian administrators assigned to coordinate our efforts after we’re gone are also located in multiple locations, all with log in information.

What kind of pets do you allow?

We welcome you to register any kind of pets you have that are considered domestic animals. Most pets registered are dogs and cats, but our Volunteer Pet Caretakers will care for any animal, fish, bird, reptile or insect that can be taken care of in a residence. If you have horses or other larger animals, please contact us and we’ll try to find someone in your area that could care for them.

Is this for real?

There are sarcastic joke sites on the Internet about many “after the Rapture” functions, as well as services run by atheists for a profit, but we are a real service.

You can see more Frequently Asked Questions here.

Become a Member today and get your pets registered!

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Jesus Moves Up The Rapture

from “Nine Inch News”


Posted on August 8, 2013 By DPReligion

Jesus

A clearly exasperated Jesus announced today that he would be moving up the rapture over one thousand years because of the state of the planet and Christianity as a whole.

The savior pointed out that “By the time the climate change deniers on the born again side are done, there won’t be a planet to rapture.”

Jesus then went on to grouse that “Dad and I put ‘taking care of the Earth’ in the sacred text, and they are letting it all go to shit.” He continued, “Now I gotta move up my time-table for the great return because these clowns ignore what we said, except for all the mean parts.”

When asked about the mean parts, Jesus listed “an eye for an eye” and “Leviticus” in particular. He pointed out that his flock does a great job with “Ye Olde Testament,” but “are absolute shit on the New Testament.” He then added, “You know, after I CAME.”

He also expressed mounting frustration with all the prayers from the hard-core Christians for him to hurry up and come back. He said, “Can you people even imagine my inbox? He then lamented that he must be “too slow” for his believers, because they obviously are in a “great hurry” to end the world he gave them in the first place.

Jesus then mentioned that due to the terrible inconsistency of Christians on Earth, he would have to create three levels in the after world. The first would be run by Bishop Desmond Tutu and would be for all the truly righteous and decent Christians who “took that Love One Another shit I said seriously.” The good Bishop would see to it that all the splendors of heaven would be shared equally among the group.

The second level would be for the benign and confused holier than thou types who meant no harm, but obviously had fundamental reading issues, like Rick Warren. Jesus said, “It will be a decent enough place, sort of like a Holiday Inn.” On the second level, there would be chores. First and foremost, would be the duty of all those in attendance to look into the New Testament until they found the part where he spoke about gay marriage. He then winked at the press and mumbled something about it being a “trick question.”

At first, Jesus did not want to share details about the third level, but he did mention something about renting basement space from someone named “Lucy,” but then his voice trailed off.

Finally, Jesus was asked about all the non-Christians. He replied, “Oh, they are all going to go with Bishop Tutu.” When someone in the crowd said “but doesn’t that go against the gospels?” Jesus responded, “We’ve been making some changes to the charter, those people have spent too much time with my followers, they’ve suffered enough.”

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Core Doctrines

The Gutenberg Bible displayed by the United St...

The Gutenberg Bible displayed by the United States Library of Congress, demonstrating printed pages as a storage medium. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Core Doctrines Between the Lines and on the Margins?

May 28, 2013
by: James F. McGrath
Has anyone else ever noticed that conservative Christians of various sorts tend to emphasize things which are either not actually spelled out in the Bible, or which are mentioned in passing or by lone authors and so arguably less than central to the faith and practice of early Christians?
As a New Testament scholar, I am aware that sometimes what is articulated in writings may not represent core beliefs. This is particularly true in letters, which tend to assume a foundation of common assumptions and build thereon. And as a progressive Christian, I do not actually have a problem with Christians adopting a different viewpoint than Biblical authors did – indeed, I think it is necessary!
But if you are going to say that it is important to be “Biblical,” and claim that what you emphasize is what the Bible emphasizes, then you can expect that claim to be scrutinized. And I find it wanting.
One obvious example is the idea that the Earth is young, less than 10,000 years old. Where does that come from? From a non-literal reading of the creation stories by the early church (taking the six days of creation, and a day being like a thousand years in the eyes of the Lord, and putting the two together) and perhaps even more so from adding up the Bible’s genealogies. Why does anyone find it plausible that the church is supposed to come to a core emphasis by adding up genealogies?

We could also consider the doctrine of the Trinity, about which some have claimed in the same conversation that it is an essential doctrine, and that it could not be stated explicitly by the first Christians and so had to be left implicit.
There are many other examples one could mention. For instance, the contemporary focus on homosexuality, which is mentioned in the Bible at most a handful of times, depending on how one understands the passages in question, but certainly not more frequently – despite same-sex relations being more common in ancient Greek society than today. Or the penal substitution view of atonement. Or the Rapture. And I could go on – feel free to continue the list and provide more examples in the comments.
I think it is about time that even those who claim to be conservative, Bible-believing Christians addressed this, never mind the rest of us. Shouldn’t a claim to be “Biblical” or “Bible-believing” be dismissed if what is believed and emphasized are things that are at best read between the lines on the Bible’s pages, or mentioned in passing or in a lone passage, while the things that are mentioned time and time again are neglected

 

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