Tag Archives: River

Another “Oldie” – “Have you found Jesus?”

 

Jimmy who is always drunk stumbles upon a baptism on Sunday afternoon down by a river.


He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "My son, are you ready to 
find Jesus?"

Jimmy looks back and says, "Yes sir"

The minister then dunks him under the water and pulls him right back up.

"Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.

"Nooo!" said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

"Noooo, I still didn't find him."

The preacher in disgust holds Jimmy under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you 
found Jesus yet?"

Jimmy wipes his eyes and says to the preacher..."Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

 

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April 3, 2014 · 18:13

Honesty

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above river, his axe fell into the river.  When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into the river, and he needed it to make his living.  The Lord went down in the water and appeared with a golden axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. “Is this your axe?”the Lord asked.

“No”, the woodcutter replied.

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. “Is this your axe?”the Lord asked.

“Yes”, he replied.

The Lord was so pleased with the man’s honesty that He gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.  Later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared again and asked him, “Why are you crying?”

“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the river!”  The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.

“Is this your wife?” the Lord asked.

“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”

The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, “Oh, forgive me, Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Jennifer Lopez, you would have come up with Angelina Jolie. Then if I also said ‘no’ to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, and I love my wife such that I don’t want her to share me with anyone, so THAT’S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez.”

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.. MOSTLY his lady!

That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it..

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HYMN # 365

The Meenister’s Log

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said,

‘If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’ 

With even greater emphasis he said, ‘And if I had
All the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, ‘And if I had all the whisky in the world,
I’d take it and pour it into the river.’

Sermon complete, he sat down, before announcing the next hymn………

Let us sing Hymn #365, ‘Shall We Gather at the River.’

 

See you at the river!

Bring your own glass!

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