Tag Archives: short sermon

The Reverend I. M. Different

One particular fellow sky pilot often forgets to announce that the Offering will be collected – and someone from the Choir has to whisper in his ear during the last hymn to remind him of this omission.  His response is usually to say to the congregation “Oh, silly me – I forgot to ask you for your cash!”

another man of the cloth who was obviously not firing on all cylinders one Sunday morning and after the congregation had sung the first hymn, he pronounced the Blessing or Benediction – thus closing the service.  My erstwhile colleague left the punters in the pew somewhat puzzled

A fellow Divinity student friend once took a service during the University vacation, and discovered that the service was going to be rather short – so he had the congregation repeat the Nicene Creed and had them say the Lord’s Prayer a second time toward the end of the service – all to pad it out.

how about the retired minister “filling in”during a vacancy  – he announced from the pulpit that some people found his sermons too long.  So, on this particular Sunday (and I was there at that church as a worshipper), he announced, “This morning’s sermon will be much shorter, in the Name of the Father and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen”……  and that was it!

One of the kirks where I was minister was used by a neighbouring vacant Charge to assess and then interview one the applicants for the post.

Poor guy got landed with taking the service on Trinity Sunday (which all clergy love – not).

His children’s story was very inventive, using three drinking straws bound together with sellotape.  He started by asking the kids what an equilateral triangle is.  Silence.  He then attempted to explain before the whole thing fell to pieces.  Quickly, he reassembled it.  Interruption from a surly teen (not part of the Sunday School contingent):  “Isn’t that now an Isosceles Triangle?”

Guest minister: “No, it’s not!  And my first Degree is in Maths, so I should know!”

He didn’t get the job.

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Shortest Sermon 2

Charles Spurgeon once asked a ministerial student to preach an impromptu sermon, the result of which deserved entry in the Guinness World Records for the shortest sermon ever preached. The student preacher proclaimed the entire sermon in three sentences. Appropriately, the topic was Zacchaeus:

“First, Zacchaeus was a man of small stature; so am I. Second, Zacchaeus was very much up a tree; so am I. Third, Zacchaeus made haste and came down; so will I.”

With that, the student sat down to shouts of “More, more!” from his fellows. “No,” said Spurgeon. “He could not improve upon that if he tried.”1

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October 21, 2012 · 05:33