Tag Archives: train

With You Always

One evening, a father who lived in suburb of London, said to his 10-year-old son, “I want you to join me at my office next week. We’ll take the subway and you can spend some time seeing how I spend my day. Then you’ll come home by yourself so you can get acquainted with travelling by the Tube.”

The boy was a bit apprehensive about the prospect of coming home alone but his father assured him he would be fine.

On the morning they left, his father explained all the details of the trip to Town and gave him a written, detailed set of instructions for returning. After boarding the Tube train, his father showed him the maps posted in the carriages which identified all the stops and all the intersecting Underground lines.

Everything went smoothly and they arrived in the centre of London as planned. However, the young lad was still apprehensive as his father took him back to the station for the return trip home. He had the instructions, he had his father’s assurance he would do fine but he still worried.

As he waved goodbye to his father and boarded the train, he immediately checked out the map of the Tube line on the opposite wall of the carriage where he was sitting. Sure enough, all the stops were outlined.

He got off at the correct station and, just as his father had shown him, found his way to another platform where another Tube line passed through, and, as his Dad had promised a train soon pulled in.  He boarded and as he again studied the map he was relieved to see that his “home” station was just 6 stops away.

Now, he felt more confident. When the train approached his station, he got up, stood in from of the exit door and when it opened he breathed a sigh of relief … he had made it.

His mother was there to meet him.  She hugged him, and to his surprise, she then put her arms around a man who was immediately behind him in the exit queue.  It was his Dad! 

His father had been in the carriage behind his all the way.   His father had been with him all the time.

Those who are parents can relate very easily with the father of the young boy. Who would ever leave a child unprotected? If we feel that way, don’t you think Christ is even more committed to our well being?

The father in that story asked his son to take specific actions: check his directions, find the maps, change to the proper train, get off at the right stop. The little boy didn’t know it but there was no possibility of his making a mistake or getting lost. His father was with him during the entire trip.

So, Christ is with us.  

Our journey through life may at times seem hard and the road may seem rough and long and twisting and difficult – but he’s with us, and always will be with us, wherever we may travel: a comfort, a guide, a companion and friend: the one who says of himself I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

He travels with us, and he will never desert us….ever

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Acid Drops

A vicar on his way to Bournemouth for a few days holiday finds himself in a train compartment with some young ladies under the beady-eye of their manageress: it turns out they are to play in an all-female version of the pantomime “Dick Whittington”.

Some time into the trip the ladies are discussing their favourite panto rôles. “I usually take Cinderella” says one. “And I take Buttons” says another.

The vicar pulls out a bag of acid-drops (this was in the days when such things were sweets, not drugs) and offers them around, saying “and which one of you takes Dick ?”

“We all do, dear” says the manageress, “but not for acid drops !”

{variant on this in Kenneth Williams’ book “Acid Drops”}

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Are you a Meenister?

Some years ago, a congregation’s minister retired and moved from the area.

The good folks of this kirk had to rely on various clergymen to take their Sunday Services.

One Saturday evening, a small deputation arrived at the railway station to welcome their guest preacher whom they’d never met before.

The train duly arrived and the passengers got off, walking along the platform to the exit barrier.

The folks from the church looked and better looked for a man with a clerical grey suit and dog-collar but in vain.

By this time, virtually everybody had disembarked….. ah, but then a gaunt looking man, wearing a tie but a dark suit walking somewhat slowly along the platform from the train. And he had one of those slightly pained and serious looks on his face.

He reached the barrier, and the Session Clerk approached him.

“Are you a minister?”

“No” came the reply, “I’m suffering from haemorrhoids, and that f’ing long train journey hasn’t helped”


Another train story:

Sitting opposite two guys in a railway compartment was a very studious looking gentleman.

One of the guys whispered to the other “I’m sure that’s the Moderator of the Kirk”

“Certainly looks like him – go on, ask him”

“Excuse me, are you the Moderator?”

The reply: “F off!!!”

So one of the two guys says to his pal “I guess we’ll never know now”

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The Crossword Puzzle

A Bishop, a Church of Scotland Minister and a Rabbi were on their way to an ecumenical/inter-faith conference, travelling inter-city by train.  Beside them was a “civilian” passenger at their table for four.

Each of the clergymen respectively was tackling the Times crossword  and, at one point, were scratching their head in  annoyance and puzzlement

The Bishop muttered “four letter word down…”

The Church of Scotland minister mumbled “essentially female”

The Rabbi added “ends in “.unt”

In desperation, the Bishop turned to the other guy sitting beside them: “young man, what’s a four letter word that ends in “unt” and the clue is “essentially feminine?”

The guy thought for a moment and then said “aunt”

The Church of Scotland minister then asked “you don’t have any Tip Ex on you, by any chance?”

The Bishop then said “or an eraser?”

The Rabbi added “is there a waste paper basket near here?”

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September 16, 2012 · 16:09

Werther’s Original

A vicar gets on a train. In his carriage are a group of five fine looking young ladies.

To break the ice, he offers round his bag of Werther’s Original and then asks, “So, what do you young ladies do?”

“We do panto. We are currently starring in Dick Whittington!” reply the girls.

“That’s fabulous. Which parts do you take?”

The first lady says, “I take the part of the cat.”

The second lady continues, “I take the part of Buttons.”

“Really?” asks the vicar. “Who takes Dick?”

“We all do!” says the third girl, “but it’ll cost you a lot more than a Werther’s Original!”

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