Tag Archives: Turkey

A Seasonal Joke

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of breaking wind loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop doing it.

He told her he couldn’t and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor, being  concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and there was no change.

Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey  and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his pyjamas and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into them.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got her revenge.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained pjs with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, “Darling, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.”

“What do you mean?” asked his wife.

“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up blowing my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.

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Tattoo You

Turkey’s Directorate General for Religious Affairs issues fatwa against tattoos

‘In Islam, drawing attention [to oneself] and changing the properties and form given by birth is considered to be altering creation, and is therefore banned,’ the Directorate General for Religious Affairs has said regarding tattoos. AFP photo
The Directorate General for Religious Affairs (Diyanet) has issued a fatwa stating that tattoos are not in accordance with Islam.

“The same way that they are harmful for health, they are prohibited by religion,” the body’s High Committee of Religious Affairs said on Nov. 2, in response to a question over whether tattoos were permissible.

“In Islam, drawing attention [to oneself] and changing the properties and form given by birth is considered to be altering creation, and is therefore banned,” the Diyanet said, adding that the practice dated back to the pre-Islamic “age of ignorance.”

The statement also mentioned that the Prophet Muhammad said that those who changed how they were created were distancing themselves from God’s mercy and grace.

“Therefore, getting tattoos is not permissible,” it concluded.

Long hair in men acceptable, earrings not so much

The Diyanet also clarified that Islam disapproved of earrings and other such piece of jewelry in men.

“Muslim man should keep away from using jewelry that is proper for women, because our Prophet ordered: Men who try to resemble women and women who try to resemble men stand apart from God’s mercy and grace,” the statement said, adding that this would be considered “mekruh,” in other words “almost illicit.”

However, the statement said that long hair on men and styling hair in any kind of way is not considered illicit, so long as the hair is kept clean.


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Road to Hell

There is a road in southern Italy that begins in the city of Eboli and ends in the mountain village of Gagliano. To anyone who makes that journey, it is an ascent to hell. Gagliano is no more than a scattered cluster of fallen down whitewashed old buildings, hanging desperately to barren slopes near a rocky cliff.

The village has been there for centuries and for as far back as the oldest person can remember, it has always been a place of severe poverty, unrelenting disease, frightening superstition, monotonous despair, and death. Oppressed and defeated by those conditions, it is said that the peasants of Gagliano do not sing and there is a saying among them that “Christ stopped in Eboli,” that somehow God had forgotten them and Christ stopped at the other end of the road. Because hope and joy, the fullness of human life that God means for us to have, are not found there, the road to Gagliano is a road that leads to hell.

Likewise, there are some stairs in a New York City tenement that go up six flights to an apartment that houses a family of ten — a grandmother, her two daughters and their seven children. Anyone who has climbed those stairs and shared in the experiences of that family this past year has made an ascent to hell.

Unemployed, with few or no job skills, the family subsists on welfare payments and the meagre wages one daughter brings home from work at a fast-food restaurant. Often the heat does not work and there is no hot water. Many days there is no food, for alcohol and drugs often eat up their money.

Five days before Christmas, while the grandmother was down on the ground floor to fetch the mail, one of the little boys climbed up on the gas stove, turned it on and set himself ablaze. While the rest of the world was singing “Joy to the World,” that family, already dead to the world around them, mourned the painful death of one of their children

In another part of the world, there is a trail in eastern Turkey that winds its way through the rocky barrens to the squalor of a refugee camp. Here thousands of people are housed in makeshift tents — tattered blanket homes.  If you were to take that road and visit those camps, you would hike yourself into hell. Sickness and disease are rampant there. Death is a frequent visitor where fresh water and food are scarce and sanitary conditions are unheard of. The people who live in those camps are trapped — unable to move forward into Turkey and, because of war and fighting behind, unable to go back to their homes.

In this so-called modern world, which is supposed to be undergoing a revolution of change in the direction of a “new world order,” so many of its roads lead not up, or forward, into the future, but back and down into hell. Death travels these roads in trucks, driven by paranoid patriots, loaded with fertiliser explosives. Sickness stalks the streets of many a country torn apart by “freedom fighters”. In fact, all over our world there are streets and stairways and superhighways that lead to hell, places of evil where people are trapped in boredom, bigotry, loneliness, poverty, psychosis, despair, and death.

In 1520 Ferdinand Magellan battled for an entire year to find a passage around South America. There at the very tip of the continent, in its icy waters he encountered some of the worst weather anywhere on earth. Raging seas, towering ice floes, and a mutinous crew plagued his efforts. When he finally made his way through those straits (which today bear his name — the Straits of Magellan), he entered into a great body of water that lay beyond, and as he and his men lifted their faces to heaven and gave thanks to God, he named the new ocean “The Peaceful One — the Pacific Ocean.”

Jesus desires to lead us in the same way to a place of peace. It is his hope to direct our feet and steer our lives from the paths that would lead to hell to his place of peace. “Let not your hearts be troubled,” he says, “neither let them be afraid.”



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