Tag Archives: undertaker

Death in Jerusalem

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on holiday to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband that he could have her shipped home for £5000; alternatively it would cost only £500 to have her buried in the Holy Land.

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend £5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only £500?”

The man replied, “Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance”

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Funeral with a difference

 

A funeral procession is going up a steep hill on main street when the door of the hearse flies open and the coffin falls out then speeds down the street into a chemist shop and crashes into the counter. The lids pops open and the deceased says to the astonished pharmacist, “You got anything to stop this coffin ?”

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September 10, 2013 · 17:21

The Funeral Director

A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary and he’s wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The undertaker asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the undertaker a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’
The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the funeral director, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’

To her astonishment, he presents her with the blank check, ‘There’s no charge.’

‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,’ she says.

‘Honestly, ma’am,’ the undertaker says, ‘it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.’

‘So I just switched the heads.’

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