Tag Archives: underwear

Ecclesiastical Knickers

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LITURGICAL COLOURS
A lady in the parish once decided to ensure
that the Church’s ritual colours matched the underwear she wore,
and so at Christmas, Easter, and on Saints’ Days pure and bright,
the priest and congregation knew her underwear was white.

For all the Holy Martyr band whose precious blood was shed,
and for the feast of Pentecost, she wore the colour red.
In Advent and in Lent, the lady competently strove
to wear the penitential shades of purple and of mauve.

Good Friday was a solemn day, and so upon her back
she wore with pride – and some panache – a set of smalls in black.
At other times throughout the year her underwear was seen
to complement the natural world in various shades of green.

And then, on Maundy Thursday, (your indulgence I entreat)
they stripped the church of colours, so these lines remain
discreet…

Besotted by her underwear, the vicar always knew
the colours of the Church’s year – he’d seen them through and through.
They brought a sparkle to his eyes, excitement to his life,
but judge him not too harshly, friends: that lady was his wife!

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…… but they must leave their hats on.

SHOCK as Pastor orders LADIES to go to church without P@NT!£S and B&@S….for Christ to ‘enter’, Dandora
The Kenyan DAILY POSTCounty News 21:25

Tuesday 25th February 2014 – A pastor from a church in Dandora Phase 2 has ordered all female members to go to the church ‘free’- without underwear for Christ to enter their lives!

Rev. Njohi of Lord’s Propeller Redemption church has advised female worshippers from wearing any undergarments to the church terming them as ungodly. In a meeting chaired by him, a law was passed banning the wearing of underwears. Njohi claims that when going to church, people need to be free in ‘body’ and ‘spirit’ to receive Christ.

He went ahead to warn members of dire consequences if they secretly put on their under garments. A member of the church who sought anonymity said that in last Sunday’s service, ladies did just as the pastor ordered.

Mothers were also advised to do the same and check their daughters when coming to church on Sundays so as to receive Christ too.

What is really happening to our pastors?

The Kenyan DAILY POST

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Knickers!

The Meenister’s Log

At University, one of my fellow-students was from Sierra Leone.  Leslie was the loveliest man imaginable with a gentle humour and a kindly demeanour.

Once when two or three of us were walking back to our Halls from lectures, he kept us amused with stories from home.

One of them was about a conference where the air-conditioning broke down.

The speaker battled on manfully, but was perspiring heavily and sweat was blurring his eyes.

He went into his trouser pocket to get a handkerchief to mop his face, but instead pulled out…… and Leslie started giggling and could barely get the words out: “he pulled out a pair of lady’s knickers!”

“Knickas!!!”

He could barely ride his bike for laughing. “Lady’s knickas!!

Which brings me to this story:

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle”, he said.

“You may pass through the pearly gates” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”

Saint Peter said “You may pass through the pearly gates”.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “These are Carols.”

And So The Christmas Season
Begins……

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December 17, 2012 · 06:36