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Duh!

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October 23, 2016 · 20:16

And, behold He went to Aldi

Just back from a wedding.

On arrival, getting out of my car, this matronly lady engages me in conversation….

….”Are you the Vicar?” (I think that the clerical collar should have been a giveaway)

“I’m the Minister, yes”

“Are you here to ‘do’ the wedding?” (??????)

“I am, indeed – and what a lovely afternoon it is for it”

“I was at a another wedding just a couple of weeks ago. It was lovely. The Vicar gave a lovely sermon. He talked about Jesus at some kind of party. (* the wedding at Cana) and he, Jesus, not the Vicar, said that the ordinary people, you know the plebs, should just get the cheap wine – you know, the kind of stuff you can buy for 3 quid in Aldi…. not that they had Aldis or even Lidls in his day……

“But the toffs should get the really good stuff…..sorta like what I get from my wine club.

“Do you know that story?”

“I’ve heard something like it, but not quite the same”

“Of course, you’re Scottish. Do you use a different Bible?

“Would love to talk to you about it, but I’d better go inside now and have a chat with the bridegroom. See you later!”

Yes, back at home now, and just about to pour a very large glass of Merlot….. which later I will turn into water, such is the miracle of the human body.

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The way we were

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“Ye Cana dae that!”

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Rowan Atkinson: Water into Wine

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July 1, 2014 · 13:58

“It’s a miracle! We thought that it was water”

imageADAM WITHNALL Tuesday 25 February 2014
More wine is drunk per person in the Vatican City than in any other country in the world, according to the latest statistics released by the Wine Institute.

The figures show that residents of the Vatican consume 74 litres of wine on average – roughly equivalent to 105 bottles over the course of a year.

That’s around double the amount drunk by the average person in France or Italy as a whole, and triple the quantity consumed in the UK.

There is no denying that the population of the Vatican represents an unusual, and rather uniform, demographic.

As well as the occupational hazard of being required to take ceremonial Communion wine, the National Catholic Reporter said Vatican residents are more likely to be old, male, highly educated and eat in larger groups – all factors that can contribute to greater wine consumption.

These aspects of the Vatican’s national character are more likely to put it at the top than simply its size alone – though other so-called microstates also featured prominently in the Wine Institute’s list.

The fact that it only has a population of around 800 people does make it easy for per-capita figures to be distorted by outlying groups, however – and in the Vatican there is reportedly a single supermarket supplying everyone with wine almost completely tax-free.

 

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Little Old Wine

 

from “Christianity Today”

 The Bible Wine Tour
Two highly imaginative experts explore viticulture, the Bible, and Jesus’ taste in wines.
David Neff
[ posted 9/11/2013 9:23 AM ]
Divine Vintage: Following the Wine Trail from Genesis to the Modern Age
OUR RATING

3 Stars - Good
BOOK TITLE

Divine Vintage: Following the Wine Trail from Genesis to the Modern Age
AUTHOR

Randall Heskett
PUBLISHER

Palgrave Macmillan
RELEASE DATE

November 13, 2012
PAGES

288
PRICE

$18.87

 

In January of 2011, archaeologists announced the discovery of the oldest known facility for producing grape wine. Working in a network of caves in Armenia, they found fermentation jars, a 15-gallon basin for treading grapes, and the remains of crushed grapes, leaves, and vines. They dated the site’s age at about 6,100 years. This is not the oldest evidence of grape wine—that would be the 7,400-year-old chemical residues recovered in the Zargos Mountains in Iran. The Armenian site, however, is the oldest known wine production facility.

 

Why mention this in Christianity Today? Because the “winery” was just about 60 miles from Mount Ararat, where, the Bible says, Noah’s ark landed and thus near where he planted the first vineyard. “After the flood, Noah began to cultivate the ground, and he planted a vineyard. One day he drank some wine he had made, and he became drunk and lay naked inside his tent” (Gen. 9:20-21, NLT).

In Divine Vintage, Hebrew Bible scholar (and former wine importer) Randall Heskett joins with oenologist (and president of the Institute of Masters of Wine) Joel Butler to trace the Bible’s “wine trail” from Mount Ararat in the north to Egypt in the south. They devote the first half of their book to the wine trail documented in the Bible and other ancient texts, awakening the reader to the significance that wine plays in the economy of the ancient world and in the religious and economic life of Israel. The wine trail in the book’s second half is literal rather than literary: the authors visit contemporary wineries in the lands of the Bible, providing a helpful guide for wine tourists in the Middle East.

The authors argue that wine is “a key protagonist for the evolution of society from rootless and nomadic to settled, spiritual, and cultured.” Wine, they say, “is the heart, soul, and body of Western civilization.” While they don’t quite prove that exalted status, they do link developments in ancient civilization to the evolution of viticulture. Wine also played a very important role, both theologically and culturally, in Israelite history. The authors have no time for the conservative Christian belief that in the Bible, wine is always a bane and never a blessing. (On the second page of the preface, they announce that they simply will not treat “all of the pointless claims that promote abstinence from alcohol or assertions that wine in the Bible was not fermented.”) Their ultimate, light-hearted goal is to answer the question WWWJD: What Wine Would Jesus Drink? The authors saved their answer for the end of the book—so I’ll save it for the end of this review.

In the Bible, wine appears far more frequently as a vehicle of God’s blessing than an occasion of human folly. When Noah planted a vineyard, it was an act of faith in God’s promises. So argues biblical scholar Peter Green (currently pursuing a PhD at Wheaton College). After the flood, the God who had just destroyed (or “de-created”) the earth promised to permanently establish regular agricultural seasons. “As long as the earth remains, there will be planting and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night” (Gen. 8:22, NLT). A vineyard requires at least three years to produce its first usable crop of wine grapes. Planting one means betting on a long run of the right kind of weather and climate conditions. So when Noah took up his role as a second Adam to cultivate the garden and populate the earth, he was demonstrating faith in God’s blessing.

Unfortunately, wine’s first appearance in Scripture is tainted by human failure. But its second act is an unmitigated story of blessing (Gen. 14:17-24). After Abram pursued enemy kings who had taken his nephew Lot captive, he paid a visit to Melchizedek, the priest-king of Salem (later known as Jerusalem), in order to thank God for his victory. Melchizedek brought Abram bread and wine, an act which Christian interpreters have seen as foreshadowing the Eucharist.

Abraham came from a beer culture, say Heskett and Butler. Because of Mesopotamia’s climate, wine had to be imported and was therefore a luxury item for the rich. But Canaan’s Mediterranean climate made wine an integral part of both Israelite and Canaanite culture. When the Mesopotamian migrant Abraham received wine from Melchizedek, he would have perceived it as a highly valued commodity. It thus served as a fitting precursor to the blessing Mechizedek was about to give.

An offering of wine (and food) similarly precedes Isaac’s blessing of Jacob in Genesis 27. Isaac, thinking he was blessing Esau, said: “From the dew of heaven and the richness of the earth, may God always give you abundant harvests of grain and bountiful new wine.”

Centuries later, the descendants of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob moved back to Canaan, a “land flowing with milk and honey” that also a yielded plenteous grapes and abundant wine. In Numbers 13, the Promised Land is described as a well-watered place full of grape clusters so enormous that it took two Israelite spies to carry just one of them back to camp. This image came to epitomize Canaan’s agricultural richness.

Because abundance of wine signifies God’s blessing, it becomes a key element in the Bible’s vision of the good life. It is a divine gift that the Psalmist famously declares “maketh glad the heart of man” (Ps. 104:15, KJV). When Proverbs personifies Wisdom (Prov. 8–9), it uses mixed wine (probably with spices) as an important part of the banquet that Wisdom has prepared for those who respond to her invitation. The “brash” woman Folly, by contrast, offers her guests “stolen water” to drink.

Isaiah 55 echoes Wisdom’s invitation in Proverbs. God offers covenant blessing with an invitation to the thirsty: “Is anyone thirsty? … Come, take your choice of wine or milk—it’s all free” (Isa. 55:1, NLT).

The prophets continue to use wine as a key symbol of God’s promised blessing for his people: “Look! I am sending you grain and new wine and olive oil, enough to satisfy your needs. You will no longer be an object of mockery among the surrounding nations” (Joel 2:19, NLT). “The threshing floors will again be piled high with grain, and the presses will overflow with new wine and olive oil” (Joel 2:24, NLT). “‘The time will come,’ says the Lord, ‘when the … grapes will grow faster than they can be harvested. Then the terraced vineyards on the hills of Israel will drip with sweet wine! I will bring my exiled people of Israel back from distant lands, and they will rebuild their ruined cities and live in them again. They will plant vineyards and gardens; they will eat their crops and drink their wine.'” (Amos 9:13-14, NLT).

The prevalence of winemaking is assumed in the Law of Moses: it is prescribed as an offering and commanded as an element of celebrations. In Deuteronomy 12, 14, and 26, God commands people to set aside a second tithe of their grain, wine, and oil in the first, second, fourth, and fifth years of each seven-year cycle. They are to use this for a holy feast. If a person lives too far from Jerusalem to carry their produce to the party, they are instructed to convert it into money and then go to the Holy City and “buy any kind of food you want—cattle, sheep, goats, wine, or other alcoholic drink. Then feast there in the presence of the Lord your God and celebrate with your household” (14:26, NLT).

Of course, though the Bible’s fundamental image of wine is one of blessing, it also includes cautions about its use.

Since wine is at times a luxury, it features in the prophets’ condemnation of those who oppress the poor while enjoying dainty food and fine vintages (Amos 5-6). Proverbs warns judges and rulers to avoid habitual drinking, since the lives of others are in their hands (31:4-9). And wine is also a metaphor for God’s wrath, which stuns people and nations and makes them stagger as though they were drunk (see, for example, Ps. 60:3; Isa. 51:17; Jer. 25:16).

Heskett provides an easy-to-read survey of all these biblical materials—though he doesn’t actually deliver a theology of wine or of the vineyard. Unfortunately, he sometimes resorts to frivolous speculation. This is occasionally harmless, such as when he wonders aloud whether at the wedding feast in Cana Jesus might have turned water into white, rather than red, wine.

But in other contexts, his speculation panders to popular notions of the evolution of religions. For example, just after the Melchizedek blessing, Abram names Eshkol as one of the warrior chieftains who deserves a portion of the spoils of war for helping him rescue his nephew. The name Eshkol means “cluster” [of grapes]. Curiously, Heskett asserts that Eshkol is really the name of a wine god—as is ʾĒl ‘elyôn, the name of Melchizedek’s God. For these conjectures, he relies on Morton Smith, a biblical scholar who long ago established a reputation for imaginative reading between the lines. In this case, Smith argues from evidence that the Greek and Roman cults of Dionysus/Bacchus have their roots in Tyre, next door to Sidon (which Jesus visited) in what is now Lebanon. He then speculates that other wine gods must have preceded Dionysus in Palestine. Why not identify them with Eshkol and ʾĒl ‘elyôn? Why not? Those who have a biblical faith must certainly deal with the explicit record of Israelite syncretism, criticized openly by the prophets. But we don’t need to conflate YHWH with the assorted gods of ancient Canaan. Unfortunately, the degree of Smith’s speculation is not transparent to Heskett’s readers, and the paucity of the evidence is hidden from view.

The same evolutionary view of religion is evident when Heskett indulges in pop phenomenology to equate Christ and Dionysus. When Jesus claims to be the true vine of which his followers are the branches, he says, “Christ here evokes the portrayal of Dionysus as a living vine, his shoots flowing out, becoming Maenads (female worshipers … who were incited to religious frenzy) ….” Sigh.

In the book’s final section, Butler appears to take the lead from Heskett. (Butler: what a great name for a wine expert! The Anglo-Norman word originally meant the person in charge of the bottles.) The authors deliver a rare wine tour of contemporary Greece and the Middle East. Since the earliest winemaking facility was located in what is now Turkey, Butler and Heskett begin there and follow the stops on Paul’s third missionary journey. Many of these places were noted for their wine in the ancient world, but later Muslim prohibitions on alcohol largely restricted wine production to the non-Muslim population. Then the Armenian genocide (1915–18) and the Greco-Turkish War (1919–22) resulted in the near disappearance of the groups that knew how to make wine.

But Turkish winemaking has experienced a revival in the latter part of the 20th century thanks to secularist policies initiated by Kemal Ataturk, and Butler and Heskett assure us that vintners are now producing wines that are, variously, “well-structured [but] not too oaky,” “rich, fruity, and distinctive,” and with “fine texture and promise, with deep fruit and balanced oak.” There is plenty of that kind of writing because this is, after all, a wine book co-authored by a wine expert.

The listing of wines and wineries in Turkey, French-influenced Lebanon, Jordan, Israel, and Greece will help any thirsty traveler in the region connect with the best wine producers.

Worried that Israeli wines all taste like Manischewitz? Not anymore. On my own travels to Israel, I noticed real progress between the early 1990s and 2007. Boutique wines are now available that match some of the best small wineries in California, Washington, and Oregon for sheer interest.

Israeli wine production is plagued by one serious irony, Butler and Heskett note. To be sold in most grocery stores, wine must be kosher. Wine can only be certified kosher if all those who work to produce it are observant Jews. Observant Jews, however, must cease from work on the weekly Sabbath and a number of holidays. This means that vintners and their workers are unable to time their harvesting and other steps of winemaking with the precision that other makers of fine wines aim for. Not all Israeli wines are kosher, though, and some of the better wines need to be purchased directly from producers.

Beyond mere wine tourism, such as one might do on a visit to California or France, Butler and Heskett seek out wine producers who are trying to restore ancient winemaking techniques. One such vintner is the Shiluh-Süryani Sarabi vineyard in a Kurdish region of Turkey not far from the Syrian border. This area was settled by Syriac (Aramaic-speaking) Christians in the fourth century, and, while only 18,000 Syriac Christians live in Turkey today, about 3,000 are concentrated in this region. Today, this winery grows its grapes organically, crushes them in traditional stone gats, and ferments the wine for 45 to 60 days in large clay jars kept cool by being buried in the ground. Then, without any filtration or fining, the wine is bottled. This preserves the wine’s purity for sacramental use in the Syriac church.

The authors call these Syriac wines “truly biblical” because they are produced using ancient methods that are part of a wine-making tradition reaching back to biblical times. That brings us back to the question, What wine would Jesus (criticized by his opponents as a “winebibber”) drink?

Jesus seemed more than ready to break the ritual kosher rules, say Heskett and Butler, especially if fellowship would be impaired by ritual purity. That freed the authors to consider a wide variety of wines made according to ancient techniques. They finally settled on a traditionally made white wine from the former Soviet republic of Georgia, not exactly biblical, but definitely ancient. They describe the 2009 Pheasant’s Tears Rrkatsiteli as “deep yellow-gold” and having “saline-mushroom, floral-herb, and olive scents.” It has a “chewy finish that is more like a red wine’s.”

But what about a red wine? Jesus would be eating lamb, no? One of the authors’ suggestions is a traditionally made red from Sicily: the 2010 COS Pithos.

But really, was Jesus a wine snob? Or did he drink wine as a form of fellowship with those excluded from Jewish society? If the latter, Heskett and Butler are right to say on the very last page that Jesus would, as a guest of honor, be humble enough to drink whatever he was served.

David Neff is the former editor in chief of Christianity Today.

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September 14, 2013 · 10:57

Don’t Lose Your Head 2

Salome with the head of John the Baptizer

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John’s followers took his head away and held a wake.   One of them spilled some wine on him and, to their amazement, he grew a torso.  They poured wine into his mouth and, behold, arms shot out from his body.  More drink – and the Baptizer grew legs.  By this time, unaccustomed to the alcohol, he staggered across the room and fell to his death from an open window.  One of his disciples remarked, “We really should have quit when he was ahead”

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August 31, 2013 · 09:05

16 July

Council of Trent

Council of Trent (Photo credit: jimforest)

The Catholic Church went dry today in 1562 when the Council of Trent affirmed that lay people are not allowed to receive the wine at Mass.

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The Pope and the Rabbi

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal: he’d have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they’d have to convert or leave.

he Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a ‘silent’ debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The rabbi looked back and raised one finger. Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The rabbi pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened. The Pope said, ‘First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. The rabbi responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins, and the rabbi pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue.’

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he’d won. ‘I haven’t a clue,’ said the rabbi. ‘First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy , so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here.

‘And then what?’ asked a woman. ‘Who knows?’ said the rabbi. ‘He took out his lunch so I took out mine.’

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