Tag Archives: worst-student

Return of the World’s Worst Student

The Meenister’s Log

A pre-funeral pastoral visit:  the widow, “I can’t stop crying – I’m in floods of tears all the time”.

Student: “I see that you’re on a lot of medication, by the looks of what’s on the table by your chair.”

“Aye, I am” says she.

“Well, if you’re greetin’ so much, you’ll not be needing to take the diuretics so often, and that means fewer visits to the loo”

 

–ooOOoo–

Another occasion – Student: “It was Oscar Wilde who said ‘either that wallpaper goes or I do’ ….. but I have to say Mrs X that you have fine taste in decoration”

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The Worst Ever Student – yet again

The Meenister’s Log

To an amputee – “I hope they cut off the right leg”

Communion wine – “that tasted hellish; you’d be better getting “Lanny”

“Boys and girls, have any of you seen the movie ‘The Exorcist’?”

On talking to the sister of a patient whose sister had just been sectioned “Ah, she’ll have grand company with the other wivies who drool all the time”

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The Worst Ever Student – again

The Meenister’s Log

Pastoral visit to a a mum-to-be who was having problems with her pregnancy – “Would you be sorry if you lost the baby?”

Post-funeral visit to a newly widowed parishioner – “I find that if I’m feeling down, I just hum a wee tune and it makes me feel better – my favourite is “Happy, happy talk “from yon musical whose name I can’t remember – but it goes like this….”

To a member made redundant after working with the same company for over thirty years: “You’ll have more time now to put your feet up,  watch TV, read the paper and have a dram or two – just like Sandy here; that’s all these meenister’s do, you know”

Another funeral visit – to the widower “I hope you didn’t book a summer holiday for the two of you”

From the pulpit “I was surprised to be attached to what folk say is a dull, respectable congregation – you may be dull, but you’re not respectable”  (in fairness, it’s a quote but not exactly the way to start off your first address from the pulpit)

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