Sunday Clothes

A story from red-neck country:  A little boy was walking down the road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.

“Hello,” said the little boy.

“Hi,” replied the little girl.

“Where are you going?” asked the little boy.

“I’ve been to church this morning and I’m on my way home,” answered the little girl.

“Me too,” replied the little boy. “I’m also on my way home from church.”

“Which church do you go to?” asked the little boy.

“I go to the Baptist church back down the road,” replied the little girl. “What about you?”

“I go to the Presbyterian congregation back at the top of the hill,” replied the little boy.

They discover that they are both going the same way so they decided that they’d walk together. A bit later, they came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet.

“If I get my new Sunday dress wet my Mum’s going to skin me alive,” said the little girl.

“same here  if I get my new Sunday suit wet,”replied the little boy.

“I tell you what I think I’ll do,” said the little girl “I’m gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across.”

“That’s a good idea,” replied the little boy. “I’m going to do the same thing with my suit.”

So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on when the little boy finally remarked.

“You know, I never did realize before just how much difference there really is between a Baptist and a Presbyterian”

Shave

Setting: A small rural community, so small, in fact, the only church in town is a small Baptist church whose pastor must also double up as the local barber to make ends meet.

There happened to be a man in this small community who had invested wisely and was enjoying his newfound comfort. 

This man got out of bed one day to go through his daily routine. He looked into the mirror as he was about to shave and decided, “I make enough money now, I don’t have to shave myself. I’ll go down to the barber and let him shave me from now on.” So he did.

He walked into the barber shop and found the preacher/barber was out doing pastoral visits.

His wife, Grace, said “I usually do the shaves anyway … sit down and I’ll shave you.” So he did.
She shaved him and he asked, “How much do I owe you?” “$25,” Grace replied.

The man thought that was somewhat expensive and that he may have to get a shave every other day. Nonetheless, he paid Grace and went on his way.

The next day, he woke up and found his face to be just as smooth as the day before. No need for a shave today, he thought, well, it was a $25 shave.

The next day he awoke to find his face as smooth as the day before. Wow! he thought. That’s amazing, as he normally would need to shave daily to keep his clean-shaven business look.

Day 3, he woke up and his face was still as smooth as the minute after Grace had finished. Now, somewhat perplexed, the man went down to the barber shop to ask some questions.

This particular day the pastor was in and the man asked him why his face was as smooth as it was the first day it was shaven.

The kind old pastor gently retorted, “Friend, you were shaved by Grace … and once shaved, always shaved.”

An American Tale

I Was Walking Across the Bridge One Day …

I was walking across a bridge one day and I saw a man standing on a ledge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, “Stop! Don’t do it!”

“Why shouldn’t I?” he said.

“Well, there’s so much to live for.” “Like what?” “Well, are you religious?” He said yes. I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?” “Christian.” “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”

“Protestant.” “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”

“Baptist.” “Wow, me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?”

“Reformed Baptist Church of God.” “Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1789 or Reformed Baptist Church of God, 1915?”

He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915.”

I said, “Die, heretic scum!!” And pushed him off the bridge.