Religion on the Telly – Billy Connolly

religion is a real growth industry in Scotland. The BBC religious department has got 14 offices. What do they do all day? You can’t hear the typewriters for the rattling of the rosaries, up there. It’s very odd, and you get this never ending procession of wee men who come on at night, and tell you how dreadful the world is. And then in the most patronising possible way, try to introduce you to God. No, if there is a god, and I suppose there is, really. ‘Cause I’ve always thought, if you believe in God, if anybody believes in God, there is one, you know, and it’s not up for question. But these wee men come on, and try and tell you… And the ones on England and the Radio Four in the morning aren’t any better. They seem to have this never ending line of people called Nigel. They tell you all about God in this strange fashion. “Yes, I went to a football match the other day.” And “you know” is the key. “You know… I went to a football match the other day, and it was terribly exciting, that. I watched with Peter [???]. Tottenham Hotspur were playing another bunch of chaps. They were very very good, I remember. The game was rather exciting, and on the way home I… I said to my son, Nigel junior, I said ‘Nigel?”. He said ‘Yes daddy’. I said ‘Didn’t you enjoy the game, Nigel’. ‘Oh yes, father, it was super and terribly exciting.’ ‘Is that all, Nigel?’ ‘Well yes, daddy.’ ‘But, Nigel, didn’t you attempt to think of it, on a more spiritual plane?’ ‘Did Jesus play for Tottenham Hotspur, daddy?’ And, you know, in a funny way he did.”

Spiritual Beings

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