Monthly Archives: November 2016

Now THAT’S what I call a Baptism!

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Strange days

A strange one….yesterday I conducted a wedding at a local popular venue. First of all, the couple were delightful & the guests lovingly supportive toward the bride and groom…..but, …

Source: Strange days

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Strange days

A strange one….yesterday I conducted a wedding at a local popular venue. First of all, the couple were delightful & the guests lovingly supportive toward the bride and groom…..but, here’s a thing: after the ceremony and the signing of the legal papers, having wished the couple well, on my way out I said to the company that I hoped that they would have a great celebration at the reception & a safe journey home. Added my thanks for their being there to rejoice with the bride and groom on that particularly happy day…… and got a round of applause!

But that’s not the strange bit. Before the service, I chatted to a new member of staff. Was asked if I were a minister (the dog-collar should have been a giveaway!) Answer: ‘yes – Church of Scotland’

‘Are you allowed to get married? Or have sex?’

‘Yes, but I’m a widower’

‘Are you in a relationship?’

‘No. And who would want a 69 year old wee fat man who is retired?’

‘Unless they’ve got loads of money’

Silence

‘You’re retired – does the Church still (?) give you a car?

“No, I’ve got my own”

“What kind?” ………..

…… so, after the ceremony, he follows me into the car park to look at my Jaguar – and asked if he could reverse it.

Saved by the piper – escorting the marriage party out. He had to dash back to get on with work.

Strange. Very strange

 

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Dyslexic Father Christmas?

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November 19, 2016 · 20:11

Death’s a beach…..

So, this guy dies…….

……and wakes up on a beach.

The weather is hot, the sea is turquoise and warm, beautiful  girls are playing beach volleyball, barbecues everywhere, laughter and joy.

All of a sudden, Satan comes up to him.

“Welcome to Hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me.” he says.

The guy walks along the beach, has a few drinks with a nice girl.

He walks over a hill, when he sees a hole in the ground, full with tormented people, flames rising up from the hole.

The guy runs towards the beach until he finds Satan.

“Hey, I found this hole and all these people are being tormented… What’s that about?”

“Oh”, Satan says:

“That’s for the Christians, they want it that way.”

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Baptismal Font

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This is real – oops! the church where it is situated should have looked more closely at the design, before commissioning it.

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This would be a denominational matter..

img_5189Maybe it’s the Anglican version of halal – it might refer to the way the pigs were slaughtered. Allowed to die of boredom while listening to an interminably long sermon.

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In Flanders Field

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Psalm 53 in Aramaic

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Visit to Buddhist Temples, Bangkok – November 2016

Temples: Wat Traimit, this houses the world’s largest solid gold Buddha (5.5 tonnes of precious metal!);

Wat Pho, this is the oldest temple in Bangkok and houses the Reclining Buddha, a 45-metre-long statue which depicts Buddha entering Nirvana. Wat Pho is also ‘‘Thailand’s first university’’.

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