One Liners

Who was the greatest female financer in the Bible?
Answer: Pharaoh’s daughter–she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
What kind of man was Boaz before he met Ruth?
Answer: Ruthless !!
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
Answer: When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
Why didn’t Noah go fishing?
Answer: He only had two worms!
What evidence is there in the Bible that Adam and Eve were noisy?
Answer: They raised Cain !
At what time of day was Adam born?
Answer: A little before Eve !
When was the radio first mentioned in the Bible?
Answer: When the Lord took a rib from Adam and made a loud speaker !
Other than Adam–what other man did not have parents?
Answer: Joshua—he was the son of Nun(none)
Why was Adam a famous runner ?
Answer: Because he was first in the human race !
What do you get if you cross a praying mantis with a termite?
Answer: An insect that says grace as it eats your house !
What car is mentioned in the Bible?
Answer: HONDA. Because the Bible says the disciples were all in one ‘accord’!!
What do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common ?
Answer: Both have the same middle names !

Helen

My late wife, Helen, was master of the pithy one-liner.

when she was going through her first sessions of chemotherapy, following radical surgery, on our way out of the Infirmary, a lovely and sincere Church of Scotland ministerial colleague bumped into us and said “We’re all praying for you”. (which was a marvellous thing to do).  My dear wife, who hadn’t met this guy and hadn’t a clue who he was, simply replied, “How nice”

asking a friend how her son had done in his “Higher” exams, the lady replied, “He failed them all”. But added “He has passed his driving test though!”

herself:  “How clever.  Much more important”

after attending the first service, after we were married, at the church where I was a probationer assistant, the usual”know-it-all” member – in this case a Mrs Swanston – came up to her with that smug look of those who are beholden of the truth – and said “Well, what do you think of our Church of Scotland services?”

Helen who was VERY English and had a staunch Church of England mother replied, “a bit dull”